Part 18

Michael: Well, I was thinking, before we do anything rash, we should first check out whether Lilith can keep her mouth shut or not.
Uriel: Good idea. That way, no one will come to harm.
Lucifer: And how shall that work?
Michael: Easy enough. Somebody has to have a date with her …
Raphael: Not me!
Michael: No, of course not you. It would have to be somebody whom she doesn't suspect to be part of the rebels' squad. You only mentioned Luce in your sleeptalk, right?
Raphael: Hm, yeah. That's what she said.
Michael: Good, that rules you two out. Anyway, I would sacrifice myself to do it …
Gabriel: AWWW, fuck a hairy duck! That's the lamest excuse I have ever heard. You just want a date with Lilith. Come on, admit it, big boy. You're hot for her.
Michael: No, seriously, Gabe. Of course I would have to pretend to have business with her, otherwise she might suspect my intentions …
Gabriel: Yeah, yeah, "pretend" …
Michael: But after that …
Gabriel: Ha! After WHAT, precisely, hm? Hehe, come on, Mike, admit it, you wanna …
Lucifer: Just let him talk, will you, Gabe?
Gabriel: Ok, ok. I'm shutting up. My comment's not wanted, I'm mum.
Lucifer: ...
Gabriel: Don't give me that angry stare. I'm silent. No more woooords, no more ....
Lucifer: Gabe.
Gabriel: Ok, no more songs either. Zip.
Lucifer: Mike?
Michael: As I said, after the deed, we'll have a 'kin good Holy Smoke and I'm gonna probe a bit to find out what she knows. I mean, if she won't spill the beans to a member of Rod's army, then I guess we're pretty safe. Wouldn't you agree?
Uriel: That's a good plan. I'm all for it.
Lucifer: You just like the plan 'cause it'll keep me from harming Lilith.
Uriel: Not only, I really think it might work.
Lucifer: Hmm. So what if she tells you everything? What then?
Michael: Ehm, well, in that case we would have to find another solution, I'm afraid. But there's no harm in trying, is there?
Gabriel: Yeah, you get fucked and then she's fucked.
Lucifer: ...
Gabriel: Ok, ok. Re-zip.
Michael: I think it's really a good plan.
Sariel: Yes, it IS a good plan. But come to think of it, maybe I should have the date with her.
Michael: Fuck my old wings! And why you, pray tell?
Sariel: Well, I am the captain of the army after all. If she wants to spit it out to anybody, she'd choose the captain, wouldn't she?
Gabriel: Hey, can you two keep your knickers on for a while? What is this? Fighting over Lilith? Man, she must have bedazzled you. Now I know why every little angel wants to be a soldier. Want some boobs, join the troops. I'm starting to regret I didn't.
Lucifer: And why didn't you? Too much of a chicken, eh, Gabe?
Gabriel: I'm not a chicken! No, I'm quite simply better suited for being the messenger. The Voice of Rod.
Lucifer: You're right. You're much better suited for being the bigmouth.
Gabriel: Hey!
Uriel: Can you stop fighting please?
Lucifer: Anyway it's too late to join the army now, Gabe. Soon there won't be an army anymore.
Raphael: How's that?
Lucifer: Because we plan to end Rod's reign, have you forgotten?
Gabriel: Aw, Raphy, have we talked too much for you? Has your system shut down again? I'll explain: No Rod, no army, got it?
Raphael: Oh, right. Sure. Gabe ... no need to tousle my hair. Gabe!
Gabriel: Too late, hehe. "How's that" begs for a tousling.
Raphael: Hmm … Gabe, let me be … ehm, does that mean, Sar and Mike will be unemployed soon?
Michael: Yep, we're gonna be on the dole. Nice change.
Gabriel: Sounds like fun. Anyway, as I see it, I'm gonna lose my job as well.
Uriel: Yes, we're all gonna lose our jobs.
Gabriel: Apart from Raphy. He will have plenty of work after the fight. Stitching wings back on, healing scars, quenching blood … we'll break it, he'll fix it. Nice motto for a repair shop actually.
Raphael: Damn, does that mean I am the only one who will have to work? That's not a good deal.
Uriel: I hope the revolution can be carried out without too much bloodshed and fighting. Then you won't be too busy, Raph.
Lucifer: Well, we'll see. I don't think you'll have to worry about lack of work, though. There's going to be enough things to do for everyone after my revolution. I plan to create a whole new world, a brave new world.
Gabriel: Your revolution, ey? Actually you have never told us what exactly your plans for the time after YOUR revolution are.
Uriel: I know some of them. Luce's ideas are great.
Lucifer: Let's first deal with Lilith, ok? Then I'll tell you all in detail.
Michael: Ok, as I said, I'm gonna call her up right away …
Sariel: I still think it would be better if I …
Lucifer: Stop this. What is it about her that you all want to date her?
Raphael: I never wanted to date her.
Michael: Easy for you to say. You're cloudmates. You can have her any time.
Raphael: Huh, me having HER? Are you kidding? I have a hard time preventing her from having ME.
Sariel: I wouldn't struggle so hard …
Gabriel: I bet you wouldn't, hehe.
Uriel: No, but I understand Raph. Lilith is kinda … scary sometimes.
Gabriel: Aw, little Ury is scared of demons.
Uriel: I'm not scared of demons. But Lilith is ... special.
Michael: Oh yes, she is, I can tell you …
Lucifer: Stop! All of you. Let's keep our hands on the topic, please.
Gabriel: That's exactly what Mike and Sar want to do ...
Lucifer: Well, then, they can go ahead and do it. If it gets the problem solved.
Gabriel: Problem is, problem's not solved yet. Two army members are fighting for who's gonna do the mission. Are you guys also that eager for your missions from Rod?
Michael: Well, they are not half as fun.
Gabriel: Hehe, thought so.
Lucifer: This mission shouldn't be fun either, dammit. Can you be serious? While you are cockfighting here, Lilith might already be on her way to Rod to tell him everything. Let's not lose any more time, ok?
Uriel: Why don't we let fortune decide whose gonna do the mission?
Gabriel: Yeah, sometimes it's better to let the fool decide.
Uriel: I said fortune, not fool.
Gabriel: I know, I know, just a little side remark. Don't mind me.
Lucifer: Do we ever? What's your plan, Uriel?
Uriel: Let's pull the short stick. The one who pulls it, has to deal with Lilith.
Michael: "Is allowed" to deal with Lilith, that's how I would put it.
Lucifer: That's a point of view, isn't it?
Gabriel: Pull the stick, get the chick.
Lucifer: One more word, and I'll flame your wings.
Gabriel: ...
Lucifer: Thanks.
Sariel: Ok, let's pull sticks. May the lucky one win.
Michael: I have the short one, I have the short one!
Sariel: Shit. Fair enough, though. Go ahead with your plan, Mike and good luck, mate.
Lucifer: Wait! Before you do anything, let's first rehearse what you're gonna ask her.
Michael: Why?
Lucifer: Because I don't want to risk that she ends up knowing even more about our plans.
Michael: Are you saying I might mess up?
Lucifer: No, I just wanna make sure you don't. So here's how you should proceed …