Part 17

That evening, in the Rue Morgue ...

Uriel: So, there's no doubt that she knows about our plan?
Raphael: No. She made it pretty obvious that she has been listening in on my sleeptalk for a while.
Uriel: Oh, fuck. That's bad news.
Raphael: Well, she promised to keep it a secret. But I can’t be sure about that, can I?
Uriel: I guess not.
Michael: Hi, Uriel. And … wo-hoooo! Who be that angel next to you?
Raphael: Huh? It’s me.
Uriel: That’s Raph. What do you mean?
Michael: Haha, yeah, I know it’s Raph. It’s just so unbelievable to see him on time for once, so I thought it might be somebody else.
Raphael: Haha, funny.
Sariel: Michael and I have some good news for you guys. I guess, Luce will be eager to hear about it too.
Uriel: Oh, that’s good. At least there’s gonna be SOME good news.
Sariel: Why, are there bad news as well?
Uriel: Hmm, kinda …
Gabriel: Eyy, olà tres amigos! Hey, Mike. Wow, Raphy, you’re here already? What happened?
Raphael: Am I the running gag here? Is it really so unusual that I’m on time?
Gabriel: Not unusual … impossible is the word I would have used … nevermind, good to see you. So Luce will have no food for verbal explosions tonight.
Raphael: Don’t be too sure about that …
Gabriel: Why, what’s the matter? … Oh fuck, don’t tell me she knows …
Uriel: Looks like it.
Gabriel: Shit.
Sariel: What are you talking about?
Michael: Did we miss part of the movie?
Gabriel: So we’re fucked, that’s it?
Sariel: Can someone explain?
Lucifer: Hi, guys. Am I the last? Hey, even Raph has arrived. What happened? Have you been camping here last night after the Mariner?
Raphael: You know, that joke is fast getting old.
Lucifer: Is it? Well, you can’t really hold it against us, Raph. Anyway, let's start, shall we? ... So, Mike and Sariel have asked for a special meeting today. Apparently they have some good news to relate. Tell us about it, you two.
Michael: Hmm, well, maybe Raph should talk first …
Raphael: No … you start. My story can wait. Go on.
Lucifer: You also have something to tell us?
Raphael: Uhhhh …
Uriel: Come on, I think they should know. We gonna find a solution together.
Lucifer: Know what? Bad news? Come on, talk.
Raphael: Well … first of all, it’s not my fault!
Lucifer: Huh? What’s not your fault? I’m starting to worry here.
Uriel: No, don’t. Raph has already talked to her.
Lucifer: To whom?
Raphael: Apparently she won’t talk …
Lucifer: Can you start at the beginning, please?
Gabriel: Let me handle this, will you? Ok, Luce, here’s the problem in a nutshell: our Raphy here has a cloudmate, as we all know. A little demon by the name of Lilith. She’s paying three quarters of the rent, that’s why she thinks she can molest him with all her petty headaches and sore throats and ...
Lucifer: What are you talking about? Why bring up Lilith?
Gabriel: Well, patience. I'm getting to it. As we all know, pretty Lilly is in love with Raph …
Raphael: She’s not …
Gabriel: Well, apart from Raphy here, we all know she is. And like all lovers she wants to be close to him …
Lucifer: I don’t want to hear a romantic love-story here, Gabe. Where are you heading with this?
Gabriel: I’m getting there: as she wants to be close to him, this morning, she was sneaking onto his side of the cloud …
Michael: Ah, details, please. This is getting interesting …
Lucifer: No details. Gabe, make your point, please.
Uriel: No, Mike, it’s nothing of the kind. Gabe ...
Gabriel: Ok, I come to the point. You want the bitter truth, without forewarning? Well, here it is: Lilith has been listening to Raph talking in his sleep about our revolution plans.
Lucifer: WHAT?
Sariel: Really?
Michael: Oh-oh.
Lucifer: RAPH! Is this true? Are you out of your mind? How dare you talk in your sleep?
Raphael: I told you it’s not my fault! It's not something I can control.
Uriel: He is right, apparently that’s the subconscious …
Lucifer: I don’t care about his subconscious. All I care about is that Lilith knows and she’s probably already on her way to Rod to tell him everything.
Uriel: No, she promised Raph not to do that.
Gabriel: You know, it might be helpful that Lil’s in love with Raphy. That way she won’t talk. She knows she would endanger him as well.
Lucifer: No, there’s only one way we can be sure she won’t talk.
Gabriel: And which one would that be?
Lucifer: Raph, you have to erase her memory.
Gabriel: Yeah, that’s what I also proposed this afternoon. But our Raphy had second thoughts about that.
Lucifer: Raph, you better fly back NOW and do it right away.
Raphael: No, I won’t, Luce.
Lucifer: What did you say?
Raphael: I said: No, I won’t, Luce. I will not erase her memory.
Lucifer: Raph, be sensible. That’s the easiest solution. You can do it, I know.
Raphael: It might be the easiest solution for us, but not for her.
Lucifer: Don’t tell me you care about the little sl…
Raphael: Be careful what you say! Lil might have her faults, but deep down she’s not a bad person. I might not be in love with her, but I won’t submit her to a treatment as dangerous as memory erasion. You have to find another solution, I won’t do that.
Lucifer: Raph. You’re the only one who can do it.
Raphael: Well, good. That way no one’s gonna do it. I sure won’t.
Sariel: Ehm, Raph ... Luce does have a point here. I can understand that it might interfere with your ethics, but you cannot be sure she won’t talk. You know, she has business scheduled with some of my mates tonight …
Lucifer: See! She’s gonna tell them. Raph, you’re endangering our cause here.
Gabriel: Actually I don’t think Sariel’s mates will want to talk about work with her.
Michael: Probably not. I know I don't when I have a date with Lil.
Lucifer: Hm. But we can’t be sure. So what should we do? Abduct her and retain her until the rebellion has succeeded? That would mean a lot of extra work. Unless Raph agrees to put her to sleep for the next few weeks.
Raphael: You’re not serious! I cannot hypnotize her for weeks on end. She has to eat and drink. What am I going to tell her?
Gabriel: Anyway, that’s not gonna work. She will be missed by quite a few chaps, especially her regular customers. Ey, Mike? They're gonna look for her and they might find out. How would we explain that?
Lucifer: Fuck, I didn’t think about that. You know, Raph, if you refuse to cooperate, we have to find another solution. One that might endanger her even more …
Uriel: Don’t you think that’s going a bit too far, Luce?
Raphael: If you try to hurt her in any way, Luce …
Lucifer: Well, then, for fuck's sake, how about YOU come up with an idea for once? You know, I'm sick and tired of having to deal with everything. On the one hand you expect ME to organise everything, to take all the hard decisions, but you're not supportive at all. A revolution in Heaven is serious business. But I'm getting the feeling here that it's more important that some stupid little cunt is all comfy-cozy in her stupid penthouse-cloud than ...
Gabriel: Hooold it, Luce. You're getting carried away here. Come on, calm down.
Lucifer: Touch me, and I rip off your wings.
Gabriel: Hey, watch it, hothead.
Lucifer: You watch it, bigmouth.
Uriel: Guys, why don't we ALL calm down. This isn't getting us anywhere.
Michael: I think I have an idea ...
Uriel: You do?
Gabriel: See, Mike has an idea.
Lucifer: Hm. Let's hear it then, Mike.