Part 26: Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Dave: It's completely dark here. Where are we?
Adrian: It smells awful, too.
Bruce: Nicko? Did you ...?
Nicko: Wasn't me this time. I kept me bowel movements in check.
Janick: Looks like we're inside a house this time. I can feel a wooden wall. That's unusal.
Steve: Hmm, what if somebody finds the TM? We better hide it, before we venture out.
Dave: Am I mistaken or is the floor moving slightly?
Janick: No, I felt it too. Gives me a feeling of nausea.
Steve: Fuck, you think that was an earthquake?
Bruce: Maybe we're in San Francisco in 1906. Was a big disaster. Many people died.
Steve: Sounds like something BBC would send us to.
Adrian: I know this movement. It's not from an earthquake.
Steve: Glad to hear it. Are you sure?
Adrian: Yep. I have the strong impression we're below deck of a ship.
Bruce: That's the reason why it's so dark.
Dave: And why it's stinking.
Janick: Why would it stink in a ship?
Dave: Ehm ...
Steve: Probably because we're in an ancient ship, pestilence ridden and full of rats and rotting food. Great.
Bruce: Well, we've covered up the TM, so let's go outside and find out when we are.
Dave: Ah, sunlight. It's warm outside.
Janick: Oh, the ship is still moored. That's good news.
Bruce: Look at that. What an impressive port. And the people, they're dressed ...
Adrian: ... like not from our century.
Bruce: No, more like ... hmm, I'd guess this'd be the 15th or 16th century.
Steve: Are you an expert on clothing now?
Bruce: Not exactly, but they remind me of those merchants in the movie about Christopher Columbus. With Gerard Depardieu ...
Nicko: Ah, I saw that movie, too. Pretty impressive where he kissed the sand on the beach.
Dave: I liked Michael Wincott.
Steve: You did?
Dave: Yes. The scene where he jumped off the cliff.
Steve: Dave?
Dave: Hm?
Steve: Can we get back to the mission at hand?
Dave: Sure.
Bruce: So you think we're about to discover America? Cool.
Steve: We're not sure yet that this is 15th century Spain. Let's ask around.
Adrian: I'm sure.
Steve: How come?
Adrian: Look at the ship's name: it's the Santa Maria. That was Columbus' ship.
Bruce: I remember. Yes, this will be so exciting.
Steve: Ehm, Bruce, we're just here to do the mission. We won't join the expedition to discover America. We stay here. On land. Understood?
Janick: What's the mission anyway?
Dave: I have it here, wait: "Bring back some historic money."
Steve: Hm, money. Are we supposed to steal some now?
Bruce: Could be dangerous in these times. They probably still hang thieves.
Steve: Could be worse. They could submit them to trial by ordeal and throw them from a bridge.
Bruce: You're bragging with your experience now?
Steve: ...
Dave: Maybe I could win the money in a game again.
Nicko: That's an idea, let's go to a tavern. We could also have a wee libation while we're at it.
Steve: Let's pop in some pills, to understand these blokes. And we stay ...
Bruce: ... together, we know, Steve.
Dave: There's a tavern. Let's go in. Ooh, pretty crowded in here.
Nicko: Plenty of opportunity to make money.
Bruce: See who's here. That guy looks like Columbus.
Steve: So now you went to school with him?
Bruce: I saw his mug in pictures. Anyway, I stay in sight, so don't worry.
Steve: I'm not worried, I'm coming with you.
Bruce: I don't need a chaperone.
Steve: I know. I don't think he would want to rape you.
Bruce: Funny. Haha. I'm laughing tears here.
...
Columbus: Is your brother ready to sail?
Vicente: Yes, Martin is already on board the Pinta. We can sail as soon as you give us the thumbs up.
Columbus: Well, I still need some recruits.
Vicente: Isn't it a bit late for that?
Columbus: I know, but four of them jumped off at the last minute. They're scared to fall off the edge of the World.
Vicente: Well, I also wondered ...
Columbus: You're not chickening out, Vicente, are you?
Vicente: No, I'm an adventurer. I'll be with you till the end. Will be interesting to see what happens when we fall off.
Columbus: Anyway, we will set sail in about an hour, even if I don't find those recruits. We'll just have to manage without them. I want to catch the good winds. Let's go and prepare.
...
Bruce: Did you hear that? We could enrol and help him.
Steve: No! Bruce, I told you, we're not going to discover America.
Bruce: Oh, but then we'll be hard pressed for time ...
Steve: What do you mean?
Bruce: He's setting sail in about an hour ...
Steve: So? I don't care. Let him set sail and fall off the edge of the world.
Bruce: ... with our TM on board, have you forgotten?
Steve: Oh, fuck. We have to hurry. Let's get back to the others.
Dave: These blokes are no fun. Either drunk or totally broke. Nobody wants to play a game.
Adrian: At least not with somebody who doesn't have money to put in the game.
Dave: That was only a minor problem. I would have had money in the second round.
Nicko: Maybe they found that comment suspicious.
Dave: You think they thought I was cheating?
Nicko: Hmm ... hey 'Arry, what's up?
Steve: We need to get back to the ship. Do you have the money?
Dave: Not yet. They are uncooperative.
Bruce: Fuck. Columbus will be sailing soon. Taking the TM with him. If we're not back by then, we have to stay here until he comes back ... that will take some months. Of course we could in the meantime ...
Steve: That's NOT an option. We need to get back.
Bruce: If we enrolled ...
Steve: No!
Bruce: Listen to my idea, first. If we enrolled, we could earn the money.
Dave: Earn the money?
Adrian: You know, Dave, that's how it's usually done.
Dave: Yes, I know of course. But what would we work?
Bruce: Chris needs some more people to work on the ship.
Janick: We're not really qualified for that.
Bruce: Aww, what qualifications do you think you need to be a sailor? A-levels? College?
Janick: No, I'd guess you need to know how to sail?
Bruce: Minor problem. Can be smoothed out later.
Steve: Well, your "minor" problems tend to grow into "major" problems during the course of the action, Bruce.
Bruce: But ...
Nicko: Actually the idea is not that bad. Anyway, we just need to get some money, then we take the TM back into our times.
Bruce: Right, that's what I meant.
Steve: No, that's not what you meant. You wanted to stay until we reach America.
Bruce: Steve, you're insinuating ...?
Steve: No, I wasn't insinuating. I was telling you straight out.
Bruce: Hm. Anyway, you already look like a sailor, with all your tattoos.
Adrian: Well, Bruce's idea is the best we have so far. First of all, we HAVE to stay where the TM is, so we need to go on board, whether we want to or not. Second, we need the money to solve the mission, so either we steal it on board or we earn it.
Bruce: The voice of reason. Thanks for pleading my cause, H.
Dave: Ok, let's enrol then. Might be interesting.
Janick: I think I have a problem with sea-sickness.
Steve: Don't mention it to Columbus, ok?
Bruce: Are you saying my idea is accepted?
Steve: Yes, are you surprised?
Bruce: Kinda. Ok, let's enrol then. Hehe. There's Chris, I do the talking.
Steve: Don't monkey around ...
Bruce: Naw, I'll be a normal sailor, kinda type. Sailorishly normal.
Steve: You are never normal.
Bruce: Let me do it, ok? He, ehm, Mister Columbus, Sir.
Columbus: What do you want from me?
Bruce: I sense your mastery.
Steve: Bruce!
Bruce: Eh, me and my mates are seeking employment on a ship. We heard you are short of men.
Columbus: Indeed, that's true. You know about the mission?
Bruce: Yep, sure, Amer... ouch!
Nicko: He doesn't know what it's called yet, dummy.
Bruce: Oh, right. Yes, the mission: you want to sail to the west. To the edge of the world.
Columbus: Yes, and you are not afraid?
Bruce: Fear is unknown to us.
Columbus: Good. You look like brave man. Very agile, too. Can you work the sails?
Bruce: That's my specialty. I'm sailing the sails, so to speak. Second nature to me.
Steve: Don't overdo it, Bruce.
Columbus: I need another one for the lookout post. Can you do that, maybe?
Steve: Who, me? Lookout? Eh, that would be high up, right? No chance I'm getting up there.
Nicko: I can do that, no problem. Don't worry, Arry, you can stay on groundlevel.
Steve: Thanks, mate.
Columbus: Then I would need someone to help in the kitchen.
Dave: Sounds like a job for me.
Columbus: All right, that's settled then. I'd need another one for the rowing. Who is the strongest of you?
Adrian: Rowing sounds like hard work, no thanks.
Janick: Hm, I guess we're all strong. I can do it. At least I can sit down, and I heard that in the lower ship you don't feel the motions so badly.
Columbus: You're prone to seasickness?
Janick: Me? No.
Columbus: Ok, that's it then. Thank you for joining.
Steve: Ehm, wait. What about H and me? What can we do?
Columbus: I'm afraid, I only had these four posts on offer. You cannot come.
Steve: What? Oh no, we have to come. It's either all of us, or none.
Columbus: No way, I don't have enough money to pay for two more.
Adrian: Don't worry, we can work for free.
Columbus: You would? That's suspicious. Why?
Steve: Let's say we crave adventure. Who needs money anyway.
Columbus: Are you escaped criminals?
Steve: Do we look like criminals?
Columbus: Well, you never know. All right, what can you do?
Steve: We can do anything. As long as it's on groundlevel.
Adrian: I can fish.
Columbus: Fish? Good idea. We might need another harpoonist. I enrol you there.
Adrian. Eh, harpoon? Oh, man.
Columbus: And you can help scrub the decks. Always plenty of work there.
Steve: ...
Bruce: Hehe, 'Arry scrubbing the decks. I'd like to see that.
Steve: I don't mind. As long as I don't have to get up in that lookout post.
Bruce: About the pay ... when would we get paid?
Columbus: I pay you weekly. We'll soon depart, get in and take up your posts. See you later.
Steve: A week? I don't want to scrub the dirty deck for a week.
Janick: I won't survive a week on a moving ship.
Dave: Don't worry, guys. I'm sure these sailors are more than happy to gamble a bit in the evenings. I'll get us the money.
Bruce: I'm so excited to work on a ship. I think I have an interesting job there, in the sails.
Adrian: Ever done that?
Bruce: Nope, never, but I'll find out soon. See you guys.
Steve: I just noticed we're about to split up worse than ever. It's each on their own this time. I don't like that.
Nicko: Don't worry, 'Arry, as soon as we have the money, we get a message round and we'll meet at the TM. I'm going up me mast now, taking the camera with me. Best opportunity to film everything on the ship without being noticed. Teeeheeee. See you, chinas.
Steve: I wonder how we will get a message around to him? I get clammy hands when I watch him climb up that ladder.
Dave: Ok, I'll go look for the kitchen then. I guess it's below deck. Let's check out the grub.
Janick: Are we moving yet? I can feel it already.
Adrian: Oh damn, you're as white as a sheet.
Janick: Let's hope it's all over soon. Wish me luck with the rowers.
Adrian: Yeah, don't get in a row with them.
Janick: Haha. I will keep to myself in a corner and try not to pass out.
Steve: Ok, what should we two be doing now?
Adrian: Seeing that we won't get paid for it, I'm not very motivated to do anything. Maybe we should just hang about?
Steve: I would like to keep an eye on Bruce. Wonder what's he up to.
...
Bruce: Hey, mates. You are working the sails, right? I'm the new recruit. Can you show me the ropes maybe, hehe. My name's Brucito, by the way.
Juan: Welcome aboard, mate. I'm Juan, that's Carlos and over there is Pedro Loco. He's a bit mad, you know, but harmless.
Bruce: Loco, eh? Well, ok. Fine with me. People sometimes call me mad as well. But I'm not.
Juan: Ok, you take over the sails on the aft.
Bruce: The aft, right. That's over there.
Juan: No, towards the stern.
Bruce: Ehm, yes, that's what I meant. Stern, so I go there. What do I do?
Juan: Be careful that you don't get knocked overboard by the foot. Might be tricky in rough weather.
Bruce: Whose foot?
Juan: The lower part of the sail. You're not really a sailor, are you?
Bruce: Ehm, well ... yes, I am. Just not so very experienced yet. But I listen and learn.
Juan: Basically your main problem is the luff.
Bruce: Yeah, luff, sounds like dangerous stuff, that luff.
Juan: You have to keep the sail in place, in order to catch the wind.
Bruce: Sure, I can do that. We'll chase that naughty wind.
Juan: All right, then I let you work the ropes. If there's a problem, you find me near the bridge.
Bruce: No problem. Thanks. We'll navigate the seas of the suuuu... hoops!
...
Dave: Hello, I'm the new cook.
Marco: No, I'm the cook here, mate. I s'pose you're the help. What's your name?
Dave: Dave.
Marco: You a Jew?
Dave: Umph. No, why?
Marco: Cause of the name. Anyway, I'm Marco. There's the p'tatoes. Start working. Talking doesn't get the work done.
Dave: Sure. I can peel the potatoes. No problem. How many do we need?
Marco: About the whole sackful.
Dave: What?! That many?
Marco: Well, what do you think? Dozens of hungry sailors. And if they're not pleased, the cook gets hanged, hehe.
Dave: Seriously?
Marco: Sailors can be nasty. You better work well. Food is important. Shouldn't go too rotten. And always keep the choiciest bits for the captain, of course.
Dave: I'll do my best.
...
Janick: Oh, damn, why doesn't it stop moving?
Paolo: Hey, you. Stop idling around. Get into postion. We need to get this busty lady out of the port.
Janick: What lady?
Paolo: The Santa Maria of course. Holy Lady. Big and busty. Sit there and pull.
Janick: I better sit down. Is there a place where the ship is moving less?
Paolo: You a sissy who is seasick?
Janick: Call me a sissy again when we're on firm ground ...
Paolo: But we won't be on firm ground for some months, sissy.
Janick: Hard not to get into a row with these idiots.
...
Adrian: Look over there. Dolphins. Cool.
Steve: Yeah, it's peaceful somehow. Lucky for Jan that the sea isn't rough today. See Bruce over there? He's struggling with the sail. Well, I guess he's gonna be off the adventure trip for some days now.
Adrian: Ha, yeah, probably. Watch out, there's dirty water slushing up.
Steve: Reminds me of that job I should be doing here. Don't feel like it, though.
Adrian: I guess we're what you call blind passengers. We sneeked our way into it.
Steve: Oops, Columbus has entered the bridge. I guess we better get moving. He already looked in my direction.
Adrian: Wonder what Nicko's doing up on his post.
...
Nicko: Hmm, pretty boring job up here, if it wasn't for the scenery. Well, let's get some footage. Hem, hem. Well, well, well, boys 'n girls, this is Nicko speaking. I'm alone in the outpost high up on the main mast. We're on our way to America, believe it or not. I'm pointing me camera to the left and to the right, and to sing it with Brucey: Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink. Now if we look down ... over to the left you can see our bassist and founder of the greatest Metal band ever, gripping a water bucket. Seems like he is about to scrub the deck soon ...
...
Matteo: When you've finished scrubbing the deck, the dirty water goes into the scupper.
Steve: Scupper?
Matteo: Lower deck will be done by me, don't worry. You work up here. Maybe you can give a short scrub through the galley, but don't linger too long there. The cook is always in a bad temper.
Steve: The galley is the kitchen?
Matteo: Yep, sure. What else?
Steve: Hm, nothing. Ok, I'll start scrubbing the bridge then. Where's that scupper you were talking of?
Matteo: The scupper is the drainage way for the dirty water. See aft?
Steve: Aft? Oh my ...
...
Nicko: ... and now let's have a look at Adrian, our guitarist, a bit more to the right of the ship. Seems like he hasn't found a job yet. He must feel quite at ease here. Plenty of fish around, a true paradise for a fisherman ...
...
Adrian: I'm bored. What should I do? Hey, boy, can you tell me where the fishermen are?
Boy: Sure, they're cleaning the fish for tonight. In there.
Adrian: Oh great, I'm gonna help them. Thanks.
Afonso: ... I'm tellin' you there's nuffin west. Mark my words. Just a big nuffin', that's what's there. Who be you?
Adrian: Ehm, hi. I'm Adrian...o. Columbus told me to help you.
Afonso: Good good, clean the fish. Cook is already waiting for them. And he has a bad temper. We better not let him wait.
Adrian: Poor Dave.
...
Nicko: ... Adrian has disappeared below deck. Steve is cleaning around Mister Columbus right now. Doesn't look too pleased. I can't see Janick or Davey anywhere, so let's focus on our singer. Wo-hooo, showtime: seems like Brucey has trouble with the sails ...
...
Bruce: Eh-he-he-HELP!
Pedro Loco:
Bruce: Don't laugh. Help me out of here.
Juan: What happened? What are you doing up there?
Bruce: Ehm. Sorry. I tried to hoist the sail, so to speak. Got kinda entangled in the ropes. I sort of pulled myself up. Tripped, too. Anyway, hard job, this. I'll try again, as soon as you untangle me. Can you explain a bit more, maybe?
Juan: Hmm, you're really not used to working on a ship, are you? Ok, I'll explain. See here? You hoist with those ropes. Don't pull them all at once. It's hard work, but it's also precise work. You have to watch the sail or it becomes a deadly enemy.
Bruce: Believe me, I'm gonna watch it from now on. Is that an albatross?
Juan: Sure. Why?
Bruce: Better not shoot it. You might get into trouble if you do.
Juan: I had no intention of shooting it.
Bruce: Good. Very good. Hoops, watch that sail.
...
Paolo: Oooh, the sissy is green in the face, hehe.
Ricardo: Just leave him be, why don't you? Concentrate on your oars, Paolo.
Paolo: But it's much more fun to laugh about friend Yanez here.
Ricardo: Don't mind him, he only has a nasty temper because his girlfriend left him.
Janick: I can imagine why. Ooooh, I feel sick.
Ricardo: Try to breathe normally. Slow, deep breaths. Strange that you would get sea-sick. The sea is very smooth today.
Janick: I'm glad to hear that.
Paolo: Yeah, it's only fun when we get REAL storms. Then the waves go UP, and down, and UP and down ...
Janick: Stop moving so much.
Paolo: And UP and ... Fuck, are you nuts? You vomited all over me!
Janick: Can't really say I'm sorry. Now I feel better.
Paolo: I'll show you ...
Ricardo: No, Paolo!
...
Dave: Ok, I am finished with the potatoes. Can I help anything else?
Marco: Hmm, yeah why don't you go to the lower decks and ask these stupid fishermen to finish up their task? They take awfully long.
Dave: Cool, my friend is working for them.
Marco: Bunch of do-no-goods. Tell your friend to hurry up, or he'll get no food at all tonight.
Dave: I will. No problem. Man, he's got a bad temper. I think it's time to get some money and go home.
...
Steve: Hi, Bruce, everything fine up there?
Bruce: Eh, what? Oh, hi Steve. Nice to clean around my space here. Especially now that my feet are not in the way. There's a bit of dirt over there as well.
Steve: Don't push it, ok. Anyway, I lost sight of Adrian. Have you seen him?
Bruce: Eh, no, I'm busy keeping my eye on this sail. It has a tricky life of its own. If you don't watch it for a second, poof, you're bundled up in the ropes or thrown overboard. Nasty business. Can you help me down, please?
Steve: Sure, come here. Well, my broom is pretty harmless, so I'll just go on cleaning. Without fear of being thrown into the sea.
Bruce: Yeah, you do that. See you later. Oops, looks like the wind is getting stronger.
Steve: Sounds like fun.
Bruce: I guess you have to clean up around Jan soon, hehe.
...
Paolo: I'll kill him! He soiled me!
Janick: I'm sorry, ok? Oh, damn.
Paolo: He's doing it again. I kill him!!
Ricardo: You two get out of here. Work it out on deck. No fighting here, ok? Get up.
...
Nicko: Waves are starting to get higher. I hope this mast is solid. Wouldn't really want to fall off from this height. This is still Nicko speaking, and we move our attention back to the bottom of the ship, where some commotion seems to stir up ... woo-hoops, and it seems that our Jan is the centre of attention ...
...
Ricardo: Leave him be, Paolo, are you crazy? The guy is sick, don't you see?
Paolo: I see that. I have his "sick" all over me.
Janick:
Steve: Hey, what's the matter here?
Paolo: And who are you? A scrubber boy? Get lost, sissy.
Janick: That was a mistake, mate.
Steve: Are you calling me a sissy?
Paolo: You're a cleaning maid, so what?
Steve: Hold that broom, Jan, will you?
Paolo: What, you looking for a fight? Ha, ok, deal, let's sort this out. I am a master in table smashing, I am a master in wrist-breaking, I am a master in box... ouch!
Steve: I am a master in "act – don't talk".
Paolo: He broke my nose, have you seen that? Has anybody seen this?
Ricardo: You kinda brought it on you, you know.
Paolo: I'll have your skin, cleaning maid. You just wait.
Steve: Come on Jan, I bring you to the TM. We have to get out of here.
...
Dave: Hey mate, there I find you. This ship is bigger than I thought.
Adrian: Hi Dave, have you come to fetch the fish? See this splendid plaice? Awesome, and the size of them. Fishing must be great here.
Dave: I see you enjoy yourself. My boss is kinda grumpy, though. I'm happy when we're out of here.
Adrian: Have you heard the commotion on deck? I wonder what happened?
Dave: For one second I thought I heard Steve talking, but I might be mistaken.
Adrian: Hmm, we better have a look.
Steve: Hey, there. Good that I find you two together. Listen, Jan is really sick.
Janick:
Dave: I can see that. Damn, is it that bad? The sea is very light, I think.
Janick: Don't talk about waves, please.
Dave: Sorry.
Steve: Dave, we need some money, and then we're off.
Dave: Ok, I'll do my best.
Steve: I'm bringing Jan to the TM. Be careful, there's a raving nutter on deck who had a small incident with me fist.
Adrian: Is he still alive?
Steve: As I said, it was only a "small" incident.
Adrian: I see. We'll be careful.
Steve: And we somehow have to notify Bruce and Nicko that we're about to leave.
Adrian: Ok. I'll fetch Bruce and Nicko, and Dave can get the money.
...
Nicko: Ah, Dave and H are appearing on the surface again. Adrian is waving at me, means it's time to leave you folks. This was Nicko speaking and I'm turning the camera off now. The rest will be narrated to you next Friday, prime time on BBC. Damn, I should make a career as a TV journalist. I'm really good at this. Ok, let's go down again.
...
Paolo: You know I could have killed him.
Ricardo: We better get back to our oars before the captain sees us.
Dave: Hi there. You look mighty strong, and I was wondering if you'd be in for a little game.
Paolo: Don't have time for games.
Dave: See, H, I told you: he's a coward.
Paolo: Are you calling me a coward?
Dave: Well, I was about to propose an armwrestling, but you seem to admit defeat before you have tried. It's ok.
Paolo: I'm a master at armwrestling.
Dave: Interesting. Wanna make a little bet?
Paolo: With you? Aren't you the kitchen maid? Haha.
Steve: Well, seeing that you have already lost against the cleaning maid ...
Paolo: Ah you again. I haven't sorted you out, yet.
Steve: Wanna sort me out, huh? Ok, who do you wanna take? Cleaning maid or kitchen maid? Your choice.
Paolo: I could take you both at the same time.
Dave: That won't be necessary. I want a coin as reward if you lose against one of us.
Paolo: I only give you the coin if I lose against BOTH of you. Ok?
Steve: You fine with that?
Dave: Sure.
Adrian: Ok, there's Nicko. I'll get Bruce. See you later.
Nicko: Hulloooo. Anybody need a referee here?
Dave: Who do you wanna start with?
Paolo: I'll start with you, Smiley. Come here.
...
Adrian: Hey, Bruce. Not fed up with the job, yet?
Bruce: Eh? Oh, hi H. No, it's interesting. Keeps your mind focused somehow. I'm starting to get the hang of it. See over there. That's the main mast ... this side you call starboard ... kinda like with planes, so I knew that already. Over there is the bridge ...
Adrian: Ehm, nice, but we don't really have time for a tour. Steve and Dave have to armwrestle with some looney to get us the money, and Jan is sick in the TM.
Bruce: You mean, he's throwing up all over the place? Yuk. I hope BBC doesn't want us to clean the mess up.
Adrian: Anyway, we're about to leave, so could you come down now, please. Why are you hanging in the sails anyway?
Bruce: Ehm, makes much more professional, don't you think?
Adrian: No.
Bruce: To be completely honest, I have a tiny little problem to come down. I'm kinda tied up.
Adrian: Aha. Want me to give your feet a push?
Bruce: Would be much appreciated.
Adrian: There you go. Now try the rope over there.
Bruce: Rope. Good idea. Hang on ... ah ... ah ...
Adrian: Watch out! The sail is turning. Oh fuck.
...
Nicko: And the winner is ... Dave!
Paolo: That was only luck. I got tired in the end.
Dave: That's the point, isn't it? You win by not getting tired first.
Paolo: Are you smartassing me?
Steve: Hey, you lost, so shut up. Anyway, you wanted to sort me out, so let's get it over with, so that we can get this money.
Paolo: Hmm ... big words for a cleaning maid.
Steve: ...
Paolo: Don't give me that look. I could take you left-handed.
Steve: Alright.
Dave: But Steve, does he know ...?
Steve: Who cares? We're doing it left-handed. Come on.
...
Adrian: Are you alright, Bruce?
Bruce: Yes, I just fell down from a sail, into the water and now I'm drifting in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, but other than that I'm fine. Thanks for throwing me the rope, mate.
Adrian: You think you can climb up again?
Bruce: I guess so. Can't be worse than Montségur. Although, I wasn't soaking wet there.
Adrian: I could try to pull you up.
Bruce: Nah, don't worry, I'm getting there. I'm used to monkeying around. What are the others doing?
Adrian: Ehm ... looks like Dave has won and now 'Arry is sitting down with the bloke. Ha! Seems like 'Arry got him into doing a left-hander.
Bruce: Oh, you think he can manage? As far as I know, Steve is right-handed.
Adrian: Just goes to show that you're not a guitarist. Your left hand gets pretty strong from pushing down the strings. Much more than your right hand. I would probably also choose the left hand if I wanted to win at armwrestling. The poor bloke is in for a nasty surprise. 'Arry must have a grip of steel.
Bruce: Hey, who do we have here? Hello ...
Janick:
Adrian: What is it?
Bruce: Looks like a sick guitarist behind that window. Hey, Jan, it's me. Don't ask what I'm doing here, hanging on the side of the ship. Just let me in, will you? Saves me the trouble of pulling myself all the way up. Ok, H, I'm getting in with Jan. You come down when the others have sorted it out.
Adrian: All right, see you later. Stay with Jan.
...
Paolo: I'm getting there.
Steve: ...
Paolo: I'll crush you.
Ricardo: You shouldn't talk that much.
Steve: ...
Paolo: I can crush him even when I talk.
Nicko: You think 'Arry's all right? Looks like he's losing the game.
Dave: He's fine. That's only a trick. He's saving up his energy for the last boost. 'Arry's strong in the left hand. He's a bassist after all.
Paolo: And now I'm gonna give you the final push.
Steve: You mean like this one?
Paolo: Aaah ... what the fuck?
Ricardo: Unbelievable. He's pushing him all the way back.
Paolo: What are you doin... argh!
Dave: You better don't resist too much, or he might break your wrist. That's nasty.
Paolo: Ouch! Fuck!
Nicko: And the winner is, as expected ... 'Arry. Well, done mate.
Steve: Thanks, and now pay your debts of honour and we're off.
Paolo: It was foul play.
Steve: Huh? You really don't know when to shut your mouth, do you?
Dave: Let him be, Steve. No more quarrels. Before we raise too much attention.
Steve: But ...
Dave: Come on, we better go back below deck.
Paolo: I'll get you one of these days.
Ricardo: Give it a rest, Paolo.
Steve: Yeah, yeah. That guy reminds me of Paul in his worst moods.
Nicko: Well, his name is Paolo. What's in a name, you kinda wonder.
Adrian: Ok, can we go now?
Steve: Where's Bruce?
Adrian: He's already with Jan. He climbed through the window.
Steve: Huh? Why did he climb through the window?
Adrian: Well ...
Steve: I guess I don't wanna know.
Adrian: Ok. Do we have the money?
Steve: No, the bloke refused to pay his debt.
Dave: I have the money.
Steve: You do? How?
Dave: Well, he lost, didn't he? So I thought it was kinda fair if I helped myself to the coins, while he was wrestling with you.
Nicko: You picked his pockets? Good ole Nobby.
Dave: It's not stealing. We earned the money.
Steve: True, let's go. Ah, seems like Jan is feeling better.
Janick: Barely though. Another movement, and I'm done for it again.
Bruce: At least he didn't throw up in the TM.
Steve: Why are you all wet, Bruce?
Adrian: Well, you didn't want to know ...
Steve: I see ... I guess we can talk about Bruce's adventures once we're back in our own times. Let's get out of here. Somebody push the buttons before Jan throws up again.