A Doctor's Advice

Three days ago I stepped into a pharmacy
The man in white wanted to know what's wrong with me.
"My boyfriend sends me here to fetch a remedy"
"A fever, sickness or some ache?" enquired he.
"Not one of the above, I feel quite well, you see
Still my beloved one thinks I need a pill or tea."
"Describe the symptoms then, dear child, and we will see"
And so I quickly told the good man of my plea:

"Like mad, my heart is racing in my breast each time
I listen to the great Ancient Mariner Rhyme.
So if you please, I'd like to have a pack of pills
Against a heart-attack or some such serious ills.
What's more, my blood pumps into my ears and belly
Each time I watch Rock in Rio on the telly
My boyfriend says you surely must know a measure
Against this constant dangerous high blood-pressure
But that's not all, dear sir, there's more to tell, I fear
The voice of Crube inside my head I always hear
No matter where, the CD player need not play
That charming voice "aww well, ya know" is there to stay.
My friend thinks, as this already lasts since Christmas,
That I might suffer from a thing called tinnitus.
So, can you help me, doctor? I sure hope you can
Cause if you cannot heal me, I will lose my man.
He starts to think that there's a problem with my mind
When he proposed to me, he tought it real unkind
Of me to mention laying in a grave (that song!)
He says there must be something seriously wrong
If the word "Wedding" brings such utterances about
He wants me to get shots to sweat such dumb thoughts out.
So now you know my problem and I hope you can
Advise me well and make me happy and my man.

The man in white looked silent for a while at me
My feet tapped Road to Hell, I waited patiently
A gentle smile spread on his face, he spoke at last
His eyes were set on mine and he held my gaze fast
"My dear young lady, I cannot help you, I fear
You're describing an ailment so deep and severe
There is not a pill, not an ointment, no shot
There's simply no treatment for the illness you got
I know however a simple and easy way
To live in comfort with your condition, so stay
Around my drugstore just a little while longer
I can help you cope with it, I'll make you stronger
A chemical wedding, that is what I propose
A marriage of two minds, understanding and close
Forget your boyfriend, he has a problem not you
I know what you're feeling, and your feelings are true:
Since I first heard the great intro to Road to Hell
I got this affliction called Brucitis as well.

(written on May 24th 2004)