Wooooaaaah! That was a close shave.
Steve: I have a mind not to tour in France ever again.
Dave: Oh no, I was really looking forward to Eddie
rips up Paris ... Besides, you can’t really punish them for
their behaviour two hundred years ago.
Steve: You think so? Well, see if I can’t.
Nicko: So, where are we this time?
Janick: It’s raining, so it could be England
for all we know.
Bruce: Hehe, right. Ok, this plain wouldn’t
tell us much, we need to find civilization somehow.
Adrian: Maybe there is no civilization around.
Steve: Anyway, we just need to find a wolf. Remember
the mission: “Get some wolf’s hair.” So we better
enter this forest over there and don’t bother about what time
Dave: I don’t like that. It could be dangerous.
Adrian: As if it hadn’t been dangerous before.
Dave: Yeah, but wolves are savage animals.
Bruce: Aw, Davey, we are six grown-ups, we should
be able to deal with a lone wolf.
Dave: Usually they hunt in packs, though.
Steve: Shhh, be quiet. I can hear people. I don’t
understand them, can you give me this Babel Pill?
Bruce: I’d rather listen to their speech first,
it might give us a clue where we are. Hmmm, I think it must be some
sort of Scandinavian dialect. And judging from their looks …
Steve: … don’t tell me. They’re
Adrian: Great. The good news: we stayed in England.
The bad news: we are in the period of the Viking invasions.
Nicko: And they seem to be hunters.
Janick: And I think they have just noticed us.
Dave: Oh-oh. I hope they’re friendly.
Adrian: Would be the first time, though.
Dave: Fuck, I want to go home.
Bruce: I’m afraid you can’t do that just
know. We have to talk to these guys. So I’d better pop in that
Dave: Well, maybe they help us hunt down the wolf.
You could ask them, Bruce.
Steve: Don’t fool around, Bruce. They don’t
look as if they would understand your jokes.
Viking: Who are you? And what are you doing here?
Bruce: We are travellers and we're looking for today's
meal. I heard the wolf-meat is excellent around here. You haven’t
seen any wolves around lately?
Steve: Bruce! This IS fooling around. Stop it!
Viking: We will bring you to the wolf, follow us.
Dave: That was easy.
Adrian: Too easy.
Dave: You’re a pessimist.
Adrian: You’re naïve.
Janick: Wow, can you believe it? We’re in an
authentic Viking village. I always wanted to be a Viking when I was
Nicko: Let me film this. Can you handle the wolf
on your own, guys? I’m off.
Steve: Nick … Fuck! Remind me that I take the
camera next time. I hate it when he just leaves like that.
Janick: Well, someone has to film stuff.
Steve: Yeah, but what if we have to run for our lives
again? What if he doesn’t make it to the time machine in time?
I don’t want any of us left behind.
Bruce: Aw, Nick can take care of himself. He looks
like a Viking almost, so he won’t raise any suspicion.
Janick: I guess that bloke over there is the chief.
Bruce: Ok, showtime: Hello, my name is Bruce. Thank
you for your hospitality, chief.
Viking-Leader: Welcome strangers. You look like mighty
Dave: We do?
Bruce: We are mighty warriors, chief. And so are
you, we were told.
Viking-Leader: Yes, my name fills the people with
fear in this lone region named Lindisfarne. I am Wulf the Mighty.
Adrian: Oh, no!
Dave: What is it?
Adrian: HE is the
wolf. How the fuck will we cut his hair?
Dave: Oh fuck!
Wulf: You can use that hut over there to rest a bit
before our feast tonight. Consider yourselves our guests.
Ok, we need a plan. I don’t think this Viking warrior will let
us cut his hair without resistance.
Steve: Fuck! Why couldn’t we just deal with
a real wolf? Why does it have to be difficult all the time?
Dave: I start to think BBC doesn’t like us.
Steve: Well, I start to think BBC wants to kill us.
Adrian: Bruce, you and your stupid ideas.
Bruce: What? You agreed to it. Anyway, let’s
figure out a plan.
Janick: Aren’t Vikings always drunk? Maybe
when he falls asleep, we could cut the hair a bit.
Steve: There are so many people around. No, it just
wouldn’t work. Damn. Why do you look at me, H?
Adrian: I’m just thinking. This is the first
time I see so many people who have much longer hair than you, Arry.
Bruce: Arry’s hair! Of course.
Steve: What’s wrong with my hair?
Bruce: Nothing. A plan is forming in my twisted braincells.
Steve: Does it involve my hair? Then you better forget
about it immediately.
Bruce: Kinda. Come on Arry, we all have to make small
sacrifices from time to time.
Dave: Can you explain?
Bruce: Yeah, well tonight, during the feast, we could
cook up some bullshit story about a warrior-ritual or some such. I
can do that part.
Adrian: Yeah, you’re good at cooking up bullshit-stories.
Bruce: Nice try, H, but I won’t take offense.
You just let me speak tonight, I promise that we will get that hair
without any trouble.
at the feast:
‘kin good stuff. The Vikings sure know how to party.
Dave: Yeah, and the mead-wine is exshellent.
Steve: Dave! You have drunk enough. You might need
a clear head later on.
Adrian: In case Bruce’s bullshit-story won’t
Bruce: Ok, ‘ere we go: Mighty Wulf, my fellow
warriors and I want to thank you for your hospitality. To show our
gratitude, we want to exchange a gift with you, as is our tradition.
Wulf: What tradition is that?
Bruce: Weeeell, where we come from, the warriors
exchange a lock of their hair to present to their host.
Adrian: Oh, no! Bruce, that sounds
sooo gay. This won’t work.
Wulf: I have never heard of such a tradition before.
Bruce: Well, we are from a pretty remote village.
Tiny village as well. That’s probably why. See, my hair is all
short, because I exchanged many gifts already.
Wulf: Well, we valour our hair mightily, and wouldn’t
want to cut it off just like that.
Steve: Believe me, chief, I also valour my hair …
Bruce: Steve. You better play along.
Steve: Ehm … oh, fuck! … well, but I
also valour our traditions, so I would cut off that damn lock for
you. Bruce, I kill you!
Wulf: You would? Well, I’m honoured by it,
believe me. In that case, I will also hand you a lock from my head-pride.
Dave: Head-pride, haha.
Janick: You better shut up, Dave. That’s just
a way of speaking.
Bruce: Okey-doke. Here is the knife. Steve and Wulf
will exchange locks now. An ebony lock for a golden lock. What a moment
Adrian: Nicko. You better film that. Arry cutting
off a lock, never thought I would see that day.
Nicko: Yes, this is some kin good material.
Wulf: Here is my lock, warrior.
Steve: And here is mine. And now, I’m afraid
we have to leave you again. Our journey is still long. Good-bye, my
Wulf: Good-bye, mighty warriors. May our paths cross
Janick: Small chance for that.
Bruce: You were really brave, MIGHTY warrior Steve.
Steve: Bruce. This is the moment to keep a VERY low
profile. Just a friendly advice.
Bruce: Are you pissed?
Steve: YES I AM PISSED, FUCK!
Bruce: Ok, ok, no reason to shout. Anyway, my plan
worked, we didn’t have to fight at all.
Steve: What? Why?
Adrian: Dave is throwing up his last six cups of
Janick: Good thing he throws up BEFORE we get into
Steve: Can we please get back to our own times again?
Dave, pull yourself together.
Dave: Sorry. Won’t do it again.
Nicko: Ok, on to the next mission. I’m pushing
the red buttons.