Part 24: Gangland


Janick: So, what's up? Is the BBC manager still alive?
Steve: Barely. He was lucky that Adrian was there to hold me back.
Dave: Why? What did he do?
Adrian: Well, after we handed in the footage of Montsegur, he complained that we should have taken the camera up to the citadel. Would have been better footage.
Dave: I see.
Steve: Yeah, and then he said we should have lingered a bit more and maybe we could have filmed the Cathars burning on the stake. Can you believe that? That's where I lost it ... bloodthirsty bastard.
Bruce: I believe you've said that before.
Steve: So? It's still valid.
Nicko: So, after Steve gave this guy a good ruffling, did he fire us all?
Steve: I didn't give him a ruffling ... Mr Understanding here kept me from it.
Adrian: Look, I don't think a lawsuit for assault would have helped matters.
Steve: Yeah, I know. But still ... would have been fun.
Bruce: So ... we're not fired.
Steve: No, of course not. Hey, our series has the highest audience rate on their whole programme. They would be fools to sack us.
Janick: Does that mean we're doing another mission now?
Adrian: Yes, I have the paper here. And he promised us that this time it wouldn't be dangerous.
Steve: Correction. He said: "Nothing we couldn't handle." He mentioned we would be used to that kind of thing ... whatever that means.
Adrian: Yeah, that made me wonder as well. He even hinted, we might like it.
Dave: Cool, we probably have to deal with some hot birds again.
Adrian: Man, you can be a positive thinker.
Nicko: Weeeee. Let's start then.
Bruce: Give me the figures to push in. There we go ... Caught some-where in ta-ha-ha-ha-hime!
...
Nicko: That was a short trip.
Bruce: Yes, pity I only got till "like a wolf in sheep's clothing".
Steve: It was long enough ...
Bruce: I feel unwanted here!
Steve: You're not. Just don't sing, ok? Spare your voice for the tour.
Bruce: What tour? The tour is finished. Besides, I don't strain my voice with singing.
Steve: Then spare our ears.
Bruce: Ok, I'm quiet. No more words. Not a syllable uttered. Zip.
Janick: Where are we? This area looks familiar.
Dave: Did you push in the right figures, Bruce?
Bruce: Yes. Why?
Dave: Well ... look around you ... we're ...
Adrian: Fuck, you're right, Dave. This might be interesting after all.
Steve: I don't believe it. This is High Street.
Bruce: Come again?
Steve: We 'aven't left London. Over there's the Ruskin Arms.
Bruce: No need to start dropping your h's again, just because we're on your homeground here.
Steve: What do you mean?
Bruce: Nothing. Well, at least we don't need a pill here.
Steve: I surely don't. You might, though ...
Bruce: And why, pray tell?
Steve: To get that stuck-up upper class public-school accent outta you ...
Bruce: I'm not stuck-up!
Steve: ... before the geezers around 'ere beat it outta you.
Bruce: Ehm ... you think they would do that?
Dave: Don't scare him, Steve. That's not nice.
Steve: Just a joke, Bruce. I thought that's a way to keep you quiet.
Bruce: Very funny. Really.
Adrian: Ehm, can we get back to our mission?
Janick: Ok, the location was fairly easy. Now we have to find out what time we're in.
Nicko: Can't be that ancient, seeing that the Ruskin Arms is already there.
Dave: Well, that's good news. So we're probably in this century.
Bruce: I'd say we're probably in the last century, though. Look at the cars.
Dave: Umph. That's what I meant. I'm not used to the 21st century yet. It's still too fresh.
Janick: Judging by the cars, we're in the seventies or eighties. What do you reckon?
Nicko: That wouldn't be very historical then. What are we supposed to find here?
Adrian: Ehm, yeah, I have the mission. So ... "Get a historic autograph by a singer."
Steve: Yeah, makes sense. 'ere's the Ruskin Arms, so they probably 'ave live music tonight. Shouldn't be too 'ard.
Dave: We probably know all the musicians there.
Bruce: Hmmm ... I don't think this is such a good mission.
Adrian: And why not? I think this one might be pretty easy.
Bruce: Just a bad feeling creeping up.
Janick: Guys, look at the bill for tonight.
Nicko: Fuck me old boots. A young unknown band called "Iron Maiden" is gonna play a gig here.
Steve: Seriously? Cool. We're in our own history. I like this mission.
Bruce: Oh, no, no, no. That's what I feared.
Dave: What is it, mate?
Bruce: We risk to meet ourselves here. Our younger selves. I read about that in a science magazine.
Steve: Oh, articles about people who have done that before?
Bruce: No, of course not. But there are theories what might happen ... also the String Theory and Multiverses ...
Steve: Come to the point: People meeting themselves.
Bruce: That WAS the point. Apparently it's dangerous to meet yourselves in the past.
Adrian: How do they know that, if it's never been done before?
Bruce: Ehm ... I don't know. But these theories say that you might get crazy if you see yourselves.
Steve: You are already crazy, so you 'ave nuffin' to worry.
Bruce: Haha, no seriously. We have to be careful. We shouldn't change the course of history.
Steve: You never worried about that before.
Bruce: Well, it wasn't exactly MY history before.
Janick: Bruce might be right, though. We have to be more careful this time. For example ... your T-shirt, Steve.
Steve: What about it?
Janick: A Powerslave T-shirt isn't such a great idea in the late seventies, don't you think?
Steve: Hmm. Yeah, you're probably right. I better close my jacket then.
Adrian: Ok, let's check each other's clothes. I guess we're all safe.
Bruce: Another thing ... what if we meet us here?
Nicko: We have a wee libation then. Imagine: First time I can drink twice the usual amount and not get drunk.
Dave:
Janick: No big chance of meeting myself here. I wasn't in London at the time.
Nicko: Come to think of it. Me neither.
Adrian: Bruce and me weren't in Maiden yet ... so we might not show up tonight.
Bruce: Unless Maiden is opening for Samson again ...
Steve: You're not on the bill.
Bruce: Oh. Well, then not.
Dave: Ok, that leaves Steve and me who might bump into ourselves. I'm looking forward to it.
Bruce: No, I seriously think we shouldn't ...
Steve: What day are we exactly?
Nicko: Why?
Janick: The bill says Thursday, 10th of May 1979.
Steve: YES! Cool. That was one of our first gigs 'ere. I remember that day exactly.
Dave: Yes, it was kinda memorable. Good gig, man.
Steve: I especially remember it, because West Ham was having a game that day and I was a bit disappointed that I couldn't watch it. But Maiden had priority after all.
Bruce: Wow, you're sacrificing yourself for the band. What heroics!
Steve: No need to be sarcastic. Anyway ... this is my second chance.
Nicko: What do you mean?
Steve: Fairly obvious. I'm doing what Bruce has been doing on each of our missions so far.
Bruce: And what is that?
Steve: I'm leaving you guys to the mission. While I'm running over to Upton Park and watch the game. See you later, guys. I'm sure you will be fine on your own for once.
Bruce: You're leaving us for a football game?
Steve: Sure. Oh and, Nicko ...
Nicko: Yes?
Steve: Make sure you get good live footage with the camera. We will amaze the fans with a new DVD after this. To recompense them for waiting so long for the Death on the Road one.
Nicko: 'Kin great idea.
Steve: Thought so. Well, see you in two hours, guys. We'll meet 'ere again, ok?
Dave: Ok. Have fun, mate.
...
Bruce: I can't believe that he just left us to it.
Janick: Well, that's what you've been doing all the time.
Bruce: Yeah, but that was me. I never thought 'Arry would do it.
Adrian: You know, he would do A LOT for a game of footie.
Nicko: Ok, how do we proceed now?
Janick: I take it this "singer's autograph" has to be signed by Paul then.
Dave: Yes, he was the singer back then. I guess that should be no problem. Paul will sign it for us, he's a mate.
Bruce: Still ... I don't think it's a good idea if you ask him, Dave. He might recognize you. What if he freaks out?
Adrian: That's normal behaviour for Paul. Nothing to worry about.
Bruce: Seriously. I don't think it's a good idea. I would ask him myself, but he knew me as well. As you probably remember, Maiden used to open for Samson.
Dave: Oh right. That long-gone band you used to sing in.
Adrian:
Janick: I still think you could ask Paul. He probably wouldn't recognize you with short hair.
Bruce: No. Too dangerous.
Adrian: Well, then I can't do it, either. Paul and me had a fight shortly before that gig. I almost broke his nose.
Nicko: YOU broke HIS nose? Hard to believe. You were only a little underfed urchin, by the looks of you back then.
Adrian: Ha! I was evil ways, mate. Anyway, he made me really angry. And I was sooo pissed, too far gone even to be afraid. I believe he was quite astonished when I punched him. I remember that. Good ole times.
Dave: Yes, I remember he told me about your encounter. I told him you were a good mate of mine. Didn't really cheer him up, though.
Janick: Well, that leaves me and Nicko then.
Nicko: Hmm, anyway I have to get in with me camera to get the gig footage. So I film, while you ask Paul for that autograph. Deal?
Janick: Alright. I guess we won't upset anybody's history if we do it.
Bruce: Great idea, and we stay out of sight. Now you see me, now you don't, break the ...
Dave: Rather let the walls stand, Bruce. Pity I can't get in, though. Could you say hi from me, Jan, if you meet my younger self?
Janick: I think your younger self would think I'm crazy if I did that.
Dave: You could always try.
Nicko: Ok, we're going in. Wish us luck.
...
Bruce: And what are we doing while those two are on the mission?
Dave: Well, we can have a drink and check out the birds.
Adrian: You're married, Dave.
Dave: I wasn't in 1979.
Bruce: I think that's a flawed conclusion.
Dave: Umph. Let's go to the pub nevertheless. I'm thirsty.
Adrian: Seeing that we three changed quite a lot during the years, I guess there's not much chance people would notice us.
Bruce: Are you saying we look like old farts?
Adrian: Well ... I wasn't saying that. But compared to the young crowd here, we probably do.
Dave: Was it Paul Cairns on the guitar back then ? I can't remember.
Adrian: Don't look at me. I wasn't in the band at that time.
Bruce: Yeah, that was the famous 'Arry-Firing-Guitarists Era. Was there one that lasted longer than a couple of months?
Dave: Yes.
Bruce: That guy must have been really easy-going to please Steve. Who was it?
Dave: Me. I've been lasting for some 30 years.
Bruce: Oh, right. I forgot. Well, Davey, just goes to show that Steve can appreciate a good musician.
Dave: Thanks, Bruce. Ok, first round is on me. What can I get us?
...
Janick: Kinda packed full. Amazing what a crowd Maiden could already pull in the early days.
Nicko: Yes, they had a fierce following. Still do, I believe.
Janick: Yes, as Steve always says: We have the best fans ever.
Nicko: True, mate. 'Kin awesome footage here. Let's have a wee look at the bar.
Janick: I don't see Paul anywhere.
Nicko: Wo-hoooo, but guess who I just spotted? Young 'Arry, that's who. He seems to be a bit nervous.
Janick: Nothing has changed then. Let's get nearer and have a closer look.
Nicko: Yes, but let's be careful not to be spotted. Maybe there's a grain of truth in Bruce's theories after all.
Young 'Arry: Ah there you are, Dave. Have you seen Paul?
Young Davey: Nope. Hasn't he arrived yet?
Young 'Arry: No, fuck. And we're supposed to go on stage in half an hour.
Young Davey: Well, he still has time then. Don't worry.
Young 'Arry: This gig is pretty important. We better not fuck it up.
Young Davey: Every gig is important.
Young 'Arry: Yes, that's what I mean.
Young Davey: He probably has a good reason to be late.
Young 'Arry: There is no such thing as a good reason to be late. Easy as that. Look, West Ham is playing a great match today, and do you think I would have cancelled the gig for that? Hell, no. I haven't. Because you have to set priorities. That's the only way to make it. Focus on your dream and stick to your guns.
Nicko: That's the way to go, 'Arry.
Janick: Unbelievable. Davey was constantly smiling even back then.
Young Davey: There's Paul. See, just in time.
Young 'Arry: How the fuck do you look? Is that blood on your nose?
Young Paul: Hey, guys. Had to sort out some little misunderstanding on the way.
Young Davey: What misunderstanding? You look like you had a fight.
Young Paul: Yep. With a bloke who thought he could chat up my girlfriend.
Young Davey: You don't have a girlfriend, mate.
Young Paul: Well, I was checking her out, sort of. She wasn't completely convinced yet, when that geezer appeared. I gave him what for.
Young 'Arry: You are picking a fight for a bird when we have a gig in the Ruskin Arms? Are you mental? Don't you think this is a bit more important than some bird?
Young Paul: With that attitude you'll never get laid.
Young 'Arry: Huh?
Young Paul: You know, get a piece of juicy ass.
Young 'Arry: Don't make me answer this.
Young Paul: Anyway, I would have finished the bloke quite quickly, had it not been for his idiot of a drunk friend there. He jumped on me like a maniac. Helluva temper, I can tell you. Bloke called Adrian, I think you know him, Dave.
Young Davey: You got into a fight with H? He's my best mate. Is he all right?
Young Paul: Best mate, huh? Well, next time you see your best mate, you tell him to keep out of the line of fire. If he knows what's good for his health.
Young Davey: Did you hurt him?
Young Paul: Would have, for sure. Had he not knocked me to the floor first.
Young Davey: That's H. He looks skinny but he is strong. Fuckin' H.
Nicko: I have déjà-vu. Didn't we hear this story just before?
Janick: At least Adrian's memory is still all right.
Young 'Arry: Anyway, go clean yourself up now. We're on in ten minutes. I don't want my singer to look like a werewolf after a feast.
Nicko: Ah, 'Arry and his C-movies. Good ole 'Arry.
Janick: Maybe that's the opportunity to get Paul's autograph. I'm following him to the gents.
Nicko: Good idea. And I have the whole discussion on tape. We could put that as an Easter Egg on the next DVD.
...
Steve: Get him. Yeah, get that ball!
West Ham Fan: That was FOUL! Is that referee blind?
Steve: Don't know what's wrong with 'is eyes. It was FOUL! We want penalty.
West Ham Fan: Booohoooh! FOUL!
Steve: Ah, penalty. Great. There's justice after all.
West Ham Fan: Want a beer, mate?
Steve: Yeah sure, why not. Thanks, mate. Freezing cold today.
West Ham Fan: Yep. But for West Ham I fight every weather.
Steve: That's the spirit.
West Ham Fan: You a heavy metaller?
Steve: Yeah, why?
West Ham Fan: Well, the long hair was kinduva give-away. I'm more into punk, but hey, that's fine. We're all West Ham brothers.
Steve: Sure mate. Cheers. GOAL! Did you see that?
...
Bruce: I'm a bit nervous when I can't meddle in the action. You think they have met Paul yet?
Adrian: See, Bruce. That's how 'Arry must feel all the time, not knowing what you are up to.
Bruce: It is an annoying feeling, I admit.
Dave: How about we have a stroll through the East End? Wouldn't that be fun? Maybe we meet some birds.
Bruce: I don't know ... apparently the geezers here are not that friendly. 'Arry said something about my accent.
Adrian: Yeah, it was a rough area back then. But Dave and me can protect you, Bruce.
Bruce: Are you sure? And don't tell 'Arry I asked this.
Adrian: All right. Ok, let's have a walk around.
...
Young Paul: Fucking geezer, ruined me nose. If I fucking get to him, I fucking get to him. Davey-mate or not.
Janick: Hey there.
Young Paul: Hey. Can you hand me another paper napkin?
Janick: Yeah, sure. Rough handling, mate.
Young Paul: Yeah, but the boy looks worse than me, believe me. I think I killed him. Went down like the Titanic.
Janick: Now why don't I just believe this?
Young Paul: What?
Janick: Nothing. You're the singer of Iron Maiden, aren't you?
Young Paul: Yeah, so what? Who be you?
Janick: Oh, just a fan. You rule.
Young Paul: Sure, sure we rule. What about your hair?
Janick: What about it?
Young Paul: Permed? I beg you. Aren't you a bit too old for that?
Janick: You would kill to have as much hair as I do when you reach my age.
Young Paul: Hey, no offence, mate. I'm just a bit grumpy today, that's all.
Janick: Hey, I'm cool. Don't worry. Look, would you mind signing an autograph for me?
Young Paul: Woah, you want my autograph. Now I feel like a rockstar all right. All I need is a couple of groupies now and my day is complete.
Janick: Can't help with the groupies, sorry.
Young Paul: Well, can't have everything. There was this bird that was really hot for me today. I even got into a fight for her. You know how it is. Come to think of it, I really must 'ave killed that boy. Hope Dave doesn't mind too much that his mate bit the dust. Ok, gotta rush or my bassist is killing me. There's your autograph. Rock on.
Janick: Thanks, mate. Great. Now that was easier than expected. Mission accomplished.
...
Steve: Now that's what I call football. Great game.
West Ham Fan: Yep, pity they shot that final goal in the last five minutes. Would have been cool if we had won.
Steve: There's ups and downs. Doesn't matter, you still support your club. It was a good game. That's all that counts.
West Ham Fan: I agree. Hey, me and some mates are having a drink in the Parrot. Care to join? They're punks, but they're cool. No trouble there.
Steve: Well, no, actually I have another appointment. Sorry, mate. Some other time maybe. But thanks anyway.
West Ham Fan: All right, no sweat. Nice to have met you. Up the Hammers.
Steve: Yeah, up the 'Ammers.
...
Janick: Ah, there you are, Nicko. We can go. I have the autograph.
Nicko: 'Kin great. But let's stay a bit longer, I want to tape the first few songs at least. Would be a pity to waste such an opportunity.
Janick: Ok, I'm having a beer meanwhile. At least we don't have money problems in these times.
Steve: Hey, there you are. The game was excellent. West Ham lost 2-3.
Nicko: You think that's excellent?
Steve: Well, it was a good game.
Janick: Steve! What are you doing in here? Be careful that nobody recognizes you.
Steve: Oh fuck, I forgot about that. I'll stay in the dark corner over here. Hey, we're playing. Funny feeling somehow, seeing yourself play a gig. Feels a bit like watching a Hi-on Maiden gig.
Nicko: See, that's what Bruce said. It's creepy, isn't it?
Steve: Yeah, somehow it is. Ouch. I played a wrong note. How could I?
Janick: Ever the perfectionist, aren't you?
Steve: Where's Dave, H and Bruce?
Nicko: They are waiting outside. They might have been recognized in here.
Steve: I didn't see them outside.
Janick:
Nicko:
Steve: Don't tell me they wandered off again.
Nicko: Well, I have enough footage anyway. Let's go and find them.
...
Adrian: I think we should be going back to the Ruskin Arms soon. The football game must be over by now.
Dave: Yeah, better not let 'Arry wait.
Bruce: You think Paul was compliant and gave Jan that autograph without trouble?
Dave: Depends on his mood.
Adrian: If I remember correctly, I didn't put him in a good mood on that day.
Punk Geezer: Fucking metal'eads!
Dave: Does he mean us?
Bruce: Let's not find out.
Punk Geezer: Long hair like sissies.
Adrian: He means us.
Bruce: Does it matter?
Adrian: Not for you, I guess. You have short hair.
Bruce: Is that a good thing?
Dave: Metal will still rule, when Punk is already in the grave.
Bruce: No, Davey. Don't.
Punk Geezer: Are you talking to me, metal'ead? What do you want?
Bruce: Nothing. Nice hair colour. Blue and green. Great. Adios.
Punk Geezer: I'm talking to you, Smiler.
Dave: I'm only stating the obvious, mate.
Punk Geezer: You're dead. That's the obvious ... mate.
Bruce: Oh fuck.
Adrian: Backalley-brawl. Dave, can you handle him?
Dave: I was able to handle his sort when I was in the crib.
Bruce: Are you Hercules?
Adrian: Dave's a good fighter. Street-experience. I wouldn't worry. Lay back and enjoy. That's the East End spirit.
Bruce: Lay back and enjoy? Here in the gutters? Oh my...
...
Steve: I'm sure that was Bruce's idea again. Running around playing tourist. Fuck.
Janick: Well, you were the one running away in the first place.
Steve: That was for a football game. You cannot compare that. And I was back on time.
Nicko: Maybe they met some people.
Janick: No, there they come. See, they're on time after all.
Adrian: Hi guys, so what about the game?
Steve: We lost 2-3 but it was a great game. They fought like tigers.
Adrian: Well, that's good then. What about Paul?
Janick: I have the signature.
Nicko: We heard how you jumped to the ladies' rescue back in the olden days.
Adrian: Oh fuck you heard him whine about me?
Nicko: Kinda.
Janick: He also pointed out that he killed you.
Adrian: Oh yeah?
Dave: Did you say hello to me?
Janick: Oh Dave, no, we completely forgot. But we saw you play. Great gig.
Dave: Cool.
Steve: You look like you've just come out of a street fight.
Dave: We met some punk-geezer. Wanted to give us a hard time.
Nicko: What happened?
Dave: I gave him a hard time.

Adrian: He's still alive. Dave just punched him a bit and then the guy made a runner.
Steve: Why are you so unnaturally quiet, Bruce? 'Aven't 'eard a word from you yet.
Bruce: What? Oh, no, nothing. It was a bit of an experience. Back-alley brawl, they call it.
Nicko: What did you do to poor Bruce? He seems a bit confused.
Adrian: Oh, he just has to digest the East-End experience, I think.
Steve: Aha, I see. Does us a bit of good to 'ave 'im quiet for a while.
Dave: I think for once we all agree that this was a cool mission. Funny and not dangerous at all.
Bruce: Do we all have to agree on that?
Steve: Oh come on, Bruce. You'll live.
Bruce: Yeah, sure. But it's a wonder you all survived your adolescence.
Steve: We're a tough bunch. Ok, shall we go home?
Nicko: Yep. Let's go back.