Part 21: Afloat in a Daydream or Lost in a Maze

Steve: … yeah, I know we signed on for these series, but we're in the middle of a tour, for fuck's sake. They could give us a break.
Dave: Well, but they have to show an episode every Friday evening. So they need our footage.
Janick: Yep, goes to reason. TV business is hard business. Lots of deadlines.
Steve: I don't care about their deadlines. All I care about is that we could seriously jeopardize our tour if we get caught in trouble somewhere in time.
Adrian: Luckily that never happened so far.
Steve: Not only that. It's bad enough that we seem to be fighting for our lives on each mission, but what if the time machine breaks down?
Bruce: Well … then we have a little holiday somewhere in time. I wouldn't mind.
Steve: But I would. I don't want to explain to our fans that Maiden won't be doing the gig because they are stuck in the Middle Ages or WWII.
Bruce: Some of our fans might be thinking that already …
Steve: That's NOT funny.
Nicko: Seriously, 'Arry, don't worry. The TM never broke down so far.
Adrian: There's a first time for everything …
Dave: Don't be so negative, H.
Steve: But still … IF we get stuck, who's gonna repair that damn machine?
Dave: Uhm. I didn't think about that. To think that I can't even repair a toaster …
Steve: See! That's what I mean. We could be stuck with ball playing loonies for ages.
Bruce: Aren't we already?
Steve: ....
Bruce: Ok, bad joke. Forget I even opened my mouth. As for the TM ... I'm sure I can repair it, if I have to.
Janick: Seriously? How come?
Bruce: Well … I was having a little chat with the mechanics and scientists who created the machine. I was poking around and asking questions and …
Steve: ... and generally getting on everyone's nerves ...
Bruce: ... and so there you go. I'm confident that I know enough of the mechanism to repair it.
Steve: Hm. But if we miss one gig because of …
Bruce: It's ok, 'Arry, we got it. We'll be extra careful this time, promised. And I won't be roaming around, ok? No extra tours for Brucey. That's what you wanted to hear, right?
Steve: Among some other reassuring lies, yes. I'm still not convinced. Ah what the fuck, let's get it over with.
Nicko: 'Kin great, then I push in the numbers … weeeee … let's go-ho!
…
Adrian: Damn it's hot here. Where are we?
Dave: And what's the mission?
Janick: I have the paper here: "Film the inside of a labyrinth." Aha.
Nicko: This is an unusal task. Usually we have to find something.
Steve: Well, in this case we have to find a labyrinth …
Nicko: True. Probably a famous labyrinth.
Bruce: I hope it's not THAT labyrinth.
Adrian: What do you mean? You make it sound like trouble.
Bruce: Well, there's only one famous labyrinth I can think of. And I also know the myth that goes with it.
Dave: What myth?
Bruce: Fly on your way … like an eagle, does it ring a bell?
Steve: We're not gonna play it on this tour, Bruce.
Adrian: Even though we should have ...
Janick: Yes, the fans were expecting it.
Dave: Even more than Charlotte the Harlot.
Bruce: Can we get back to the topic at hand? What I meant was: Icarus …
Dave: So?
Nicko: Me with a cape, haha!
Steve: You looked great in that shot, Nicko.
Nicko: Thankee, thankee.
Bruce: Guys, a bit of seriosity, please. Dave, try to think: Icarus, Daedalus …
Dave:
Bruce: The Minotaur …
Dave: Mine O'Thor?
Janick: Oh, damn you think we're in Crete?
Dave: Thor is a Nordic God, not a Cretian one.
Janick:
Bruce: I don't think anything. I'm just saying, that's one hell of a famous labyrinth. And I'm seriously hoping the Minotaur legend is NOT true.
Dave: What is the mine O'Thor?
Nicko: That's only Greek mythology. That can't be true.
Steve: Helena and the Trojan Horse was true …
Dave: Helena was hot.
Janick: Yeah, but the Minotaur is fiction for sure …
Dave: A labyrinth in a mine?
Five puzzled Maiden members:
Dave: What? Stop looking like you had questions marks coming out of your head. Somebody care to enlighten me?
Bruce: The Minotaur is a monster, half human, half bull. He was kept in a labyrinth, and each year he devored ten young people who were given to him as a sacrifice.
Dave: Umph. Why did I ask?
Adrian: You surely don't believe in monsters …
Dave: Well … you never know. There's a grain of truth in every myth.
Nicko: You better Adam and Eve that. So let's be careful, chinas.
Bruce: Can you please stop Cockneying, Nick?
Steve: Why, 'avin' trouble understandin' us, public school boy?
Bruce: Ha-ha.
Janick: So I guess we have to find this labyrinth and make a picture of it, correct?
Adrian: Does that mean, we have to be INSIDE the labyrinth?
Dave: I hope not. What if this Minotaur monster is lurking there?
Bruce: Well, the mission says: "Film INSIDE the labyrinth". So I guess we have to enter. … What's the matter, 'arry?
Steve: Huh? Oh, I was only thinking about how to proceed. Listen, guys, I'm pretty sure that we are indeed in Cnossos. So we have to find this labyrinth. And yes, I think we have to enter it to make a picture …
Dave: But …
Steve: … and, no, Dave, I don't believe in monsters. But we ought to be careful nevertheless.
Janick: So, anybody's got a plan?
Steve: Well, remember when we had that break in the Fear of the Dark tour?
Adrian: No.
Steve: When you guys all went scuba diving in Egypt?
Dave: That was fun.
Adrian: Why don't we ever go scuba-diving when I'm in the band?
Steve: Meanwhile I was laying low in Crete. Shipped the family over and rented a little mountain cottage.
Adrian: Thanks for sharing. What's that got to do with the labyrinth?
Steve: Well, I took a guided tour through the ruins of Cnossos ...
Dave: You took a tour while relaxing from the tour?
Steve: ... and from what I remember, the labyrinth was supposed to be inside the city palace. Underground. So first, we have to find the palace …
Bruce: Which shouldn't be that hard …
Nicko: Then we have to enter the labyrinth …
Dave: Which I strongly object to …
Janick: And finally we have to shoot a picture and get out of there again …
Adrian: Which, as usual, will be the most difficult part of the mission.
Steve: Ok, guys, I remember seeing this column on the tour. Follow me, I think I know where we are, and I also know how to get to the palace.
Janick: Let's all swallow a pill. We better speak their language.
Bruce: Good idea. The Minoan language, written in the so-called Linear A script, is not yet deciphered. I once read a very interesting article about it, which said that …
Steve: Did it say anything about how to solve this mission?
Bruce: Naw, of course not, it was about the Linear …
Steve: Then I don't want to hear about it just yet. Ok? Later?
Bruce: Ok, ok, I know when my info isn't wanted.
Dave: Why didn't you mention the Minotaur in Flight of Icarus, Bruce?
Bruce: Because by the time Daedalus escaped the labyrinth, the monster was already dead.
Dave: Dead alas?
Steve: Icarus' father. The bloke who built the labyrinth.
Bruce: Correct.
Steve: Ok, here we are. That's the palace. Looks a bit different than when I last saw it, but it's definitely the place.
Bruce: Isn't time an interesting concept? You saw the palace in ruins, BEFORE you saw it whole. Although that's been over 3000 years ago. Isn't that a paradox?
Steve: I'm spending my free time with you while I could be playing footie with me mates. That's a whole lot more astonishing, if you ask me.
Bruce: I'm not taking that personal.
Steve: Anyway, we don't have time for your esoteric time talk now. Why don't you write a song about it?
Bruce: Sure, I'll write a song about it. A great song. A top-ten song. And you know what? I'm gonna put it on my next solo album.
Steve: No need to pout, Bruce.
Bruce: I'm not pouting. I'm just making a statement. It will be a terrific song. And you will beg me to have it for Maiden, but I will say no!
Janick: Like with Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter?
Bruce: No need to be cynic, ok?
Nicko: Anyway, laddies. Here we are in front of the palace. How do we get in?
Adrian: And how do we get out again?
Steve: Well, let's first get in. I wish I had the tourist plan for the palace with me. Would be of some help now.
Dave: You said, the labyrinth was underground. So I guess we need to find stairs.
Bruce: Shhh.
Janick: What is it?
Bruce: A footstep behind you.
Dave: This reminds me that we should play Killers on the tour.
Steve: We already discussed that, didn't we?
Dave: No. I asked: Can we play Killers. And you said no.
Steve: That's discussing it.
Dave:
Adrian: Someone's approaching …
Bruce: Let's hide in this niche. Maybe we can find out something important.
...
Daedalus: My king, this is insane. We cannot ask this tribute of them.
Minos: We have to show them that we are the ruling power. You won't make me change my mind, Daedalus. Do your work, and I do mine. And don't make me angry.
Daedalus: But …
Minos: I don't have time now. We'll talk later. Fare thee well.
…
Bruce: That's the guy himself, Daedalus.
Steve: So that part of the myth is already true. Shit!
Dave: You don't think that the rest is true …
Adrian: Shhhh.
Daedalus: Anybody there? ... Hey, who are you?
Nicko: Fuck, he saw us.
Bruce: Ehm, hello, Daedalus. We are just visiting the palace. It's too hot outside, so we thought let's take a stroll in here. Much more cooler in these vast halls.
Daedalus: Excuse me? You are spies, aren't you?
Steve: No! We are NOT spies. No need to get us into trouble, believe me.
Daedalus: Oh, I see … Do you have news from my son?
Dave: Icarus, right?
Daedalus: Yes, Icarus. Let's not talk here, walls have ears. Follow me into my private rooms.
Adrian: What does he mean?
Bruce: No idea, but this might be our chance to get into the labyrinth without trouble. Let's play along.
…
Daedalus: Ok, here we can talk freely. Do you know of my son's whereabouts?
Bruce: What exactly happened?
Daedalus: Well, King Minos wants me to finish some crazy constructions for his own glory, and if I refuse, he has threatened to kill my son. The man is a maniac.
Steve: Not again. I've had enough of these power-hungry monarchs.
Daedalus: You can say that aloud. Me too. But I have to do it, or I might never see my son again. Now I was hoping you would know where he was kept prisoner. Unfortunately I cannot leave the palace, or I would look for him myself.
Dave: Maybe he's gone off flying.
Daedalus:
Bruce: Ehm, if we help you find Icarus, would you do us a favour?
Steve: Bruce, you promised not to get into trouble.
Bruce: I'm not getting into trouble. I'm trying to solve our mission. And in the process help this poor, worried man.
Steve: That is my definition of "getting into trouble".
Daedulus: If you find Icarus, I'll do anything you want.
Nicko: Would you show us a bit around in your famous labyrinth?
Daedalus: How do you know about the labyrinth?
Nicko: Ehm …
Bruce: Is it a secret?
Daedalus: Well, I would have thought so. I haven't even finished it yet. That was one of the crazy projects I mentioned earlier on. Are you spies of King Minos, checking on me?
Janick: No, we're not, honestly.
Bruce: And to prove it, we will help you find your boy. Deal?
Daedalus: Deal. I'm very grateful. A guy named Radathis is my contact in town, so if you could deliver a letter to him, he will make the necessary moves.
Bruce: Good plan. Come on guys, we split up, ok? Three follow Daedalus to the construction site of the labyrinth and three deliver the letter. Ok?
Steve: But this time, no matter what, I'll stay in the same group than you, Bruce.
Bruce: Aw, 'Arry, I didn't know you loved me that much.
Steve: …
Bruce: Or maybe you don't. Wrong interpretation. Sorry.
Dave: I have a question, Mr Daedalus.
Daedalus: What is it?
Dave: Is there a Minotaur?
Daedalus: Of course there is.
Dave: Seriously!
Janick: You're kidding!
Daedalus: Ehm, no. The Minotaur is King Minos' sacred bull. He is kept in a wonderful stable right outside the palace walls. Each year we have a ceremony for him.
Bruce: Interesting. That's something the archeologists haven't found out yet.
Adrian: So, this Minotaur is a real bull?
Dave: And not half-human, by any chance?
Daedalus: Half-human? No, when I last saw him, it was a real bull. What do you mean?
Steve: We read too many books. Never mind. Ok, we'll help you. So, who's going where?
Nicko: I guess I will have to be in the labyrinth team, as I'm the cameraman.
Bruce: I would like to see the labyrinth too, if I may, please?
Steve: Ok, that leaves the letter delivery to our three guitarists. Are you alright with that task?
Janick: Yeah, sure, why not?
Adrian: Ok, we'll do our best to find the bloke.
Dave: I wasn't so keen on that labyrinth anyway. You never know …
Daedalus: Thank you so much. Here is the letter and on this paper are the directions through town. Take care. And the others, follow me to the construction site.
…
Dave: I think we have the easier mission this time.
Janick: You think so? Look at this map with the directions. I don't have a clue how to read this. I think he gave us a plan for his labyrinth.
Dave: Uhm. Seriously? Damn.
Adrian: Show me. Hmmm. It would help if we were able to read this.
Janick: Yeah, now I wish Bruce had told us about their language.
Adrian: There's a full circle in the left corner, and two half-circles on top and on the bottom of the paper. No circle at all in the right corner. What could that mean?
Dave: Maybe some landmark?
Janick: This large quadrangle is probably the palace. But we have to know how to turn the paper.
Adrian: I think I have it! What if the full circle is the sun at noon, and the half-circles are sundawn and sunset. No circle at all means that's the North then.
Janick: Ingenious. You might just be right.
Adrian: Hehe. Ok, I guess we're in the afternoon now, so West is in that direction. The map has to be this way round then. Let's go over there.
Dave: Didn't really get all this, but I'll follow you.
…
Daedalus: Be careful on these steps. They're a bit slippery. And watch your head, we have to duck here. The roof through this passage is built purposefully low.
Bruce: This is so interesting. There's no easy way out then?
Daedalus: No, indeed. I am the only one who knows the way out of the labyrinth. I spent so much time designing the intricate outline of the passages that it has engraved itself into my mind forever. So stay close or you might get lost.
Nicko: We'll stay close, don't worry. Camera is running, excellent footage.
Steve: Anyway, we will not venture too far in. We just wanted to see it quickly, that's all.
Daedalus: I'm always happy to present my work to others. I was just so amazed that you knew about it, as King Minos wants this place to be kept a secret.
Bruce: What's behind that door?
Daedalus: Nothing. It's just a fake door. Only stone behind it. The place is full of those. If somebody wants to destroy it to enter secret passages, they will get held up for nothing. King Minos thinks it might drive his enemies into despair.
Steve: King Minos wouldn't be a bit paranoid, by any chance?
Daedalus: Well, he is a king. They have lots of enemies.
Steve: They should ask themselves why. Bruce! Stay with the group!
Bruce: I just wanted to have a quick lookie into that tunnel. It doesn't seem to go very far.
Daeadlus: It only goes for about 2 yards, then drops into a 5 yard deep pit. Better stay out of there.
Bruce: Oh, I see.
Steve: Bruce! If you fall into a pit, I swear, I let you stew in there. Stay - with - the - group!
...
Dave: H, you were right, there's the stone-arch that's on the map. We're on the right track.
Janick: Great, so we have to make a left turn here. And the house in question should come into view.
Adrian: Probably that one over there. See the tree next to it? There's just the same tree depicted on the map. It was a piece of cake.
Dave: You're a good boyscout.
Adrian: Actually I've never been in the boyscouts. But I got used to reading maps while on holidays. The best fishing lakes can often only be reached by foot through the wilderness. Reading maps is essential there.
Janick: Ok, now should we knock on the door or what?
Dave: Yes, let's do that. *knocks*
Radathis: Who are you?
Janick: We are sent here by Daedalus to …
Radathis: Daedalus? Quick, come in. … Sit down, please. Do you want anything to drink?
Dave: Sure, I'll have a pint, if you don't mind.
Radathis: A what?
Adrian: We're not in a pub, Dave. We take, whatever you can offer, mate.
Radathis: I have wine, goat milk and water.
Dave: Wine, please.
Janick: I'll try the goat milk. I've never drunk goat milk in my life.
Adrian: Yeah, I'd go with the goat milk too. Might as well try the local drinks.
Radathis: There you go. So, what news do you have? Is Daedalus alright?
Janick: It seems he is kept prisoner in the palace. And now he's worried about his son.
Adrian: We have a letter from him for you. There you go. I guess he will explain everything in there.
Radathis: Thanks, I will read it at once.
Dave: This wine is awfully sour.
…
Bruce: Seriously, this construction is just so amazing. And you are sure you find your way around this maze?
Daedalus: Of course. Don't worry. I'll get you safely out of here again.
Steve: Do you have enough footage, Nicko? Maybe we could leave again? I'm starting to become claustrophobic in here.
Nicko: All right, let's pack it in. I think, BBC can be happy with what I have so far.
Steve: Thanks for showing us your great labyrinth, Daedalus. By now I think our friends will be back in the palace, so we better also go back, don't you think?
Bruce: But this tunnel over there looks so interesting. Can I just quickly …
Steve: Bruce! No!
Bruce: Ok, ok. Spoilsport.
Daedalus: Ok, let's go back. Here on the left, you see some interesting drawings on the wall. They are my codes in case I ever get lost in here. Just as a precaution. But no one else knows what they mean.
Nicko: 'Kin ingenious. Let me film this.
Daedalus: And there is another tunnel with a deadly end. The tunnels are all very dark, so you never see what lies ahead. That's the danger of them.
Steve: I can imagine … wait! Where is Bruce?
Nicko: He was right behind me, just a minute ago.
Steve: Damn! We have to find him. Let's call for him.
Daedalus: Not a good idea. The walls are built so that they would produce an awful echo. Some boulders might even come down with the tremor. That was also a precaution, in case the enemy is starting to shout to find each other.
Steve: Great. So we have to get back. Which way did we come?
…
Radathis: All I can say is, the last time I talked to Icarus was two days ago. We were talking about his father's latest projects and he seemed very curious about it. Apparently Daedalus was very secretive, even to his son, which pissed him right off. Icarus can be a hothead at times. He never listens to his father's advice.
Janick: Well, that did cost him his life in the end.
Adrian: Do you think King Minos is holding him captive somewhere?
Radathis: Could be. He would be the man to do such a thing. Want another glass of wine, friend?
Dave: Ehm, no thanks. I'd rather not.
Janick: So, where could he be imprisoned? I think, Daedalus was hoping you could help him.
Adrian: Maybe we can bring a letter back? We have to leave soon, I'm afraid. Our friends are waiting for us.
Radathis: I just thought about something. … Icarus was very eager to see his father's new construction site, and he said he would check it out by night, when nobody would hinder him.
Dave: Do you think he entered the labyrinth and got lost?
Janick: Then he's been in there for two days at least.
Adrian: We have to get back to the palace.
Radathis: Good luck, my friends.
…
Bruce: Oh, damn, and now I'm lost. 'Arry will be furious. Why am I talking to myself here? I better shout for help, maybe they find me.
Young Man: You better not do that, stranger.
Bruce: Boy, you almost gave me a heart-attack. What are you doing here, crouched in this dark corner?
Young Man: I could ask you the same thing. I was too curious for my own good, and now I'm lost. What's your story?
Bruce: Ehm … I guess pretty much the same. Look, I wasn't alone in here. Why can't I shout for help? My friends are probably not that far.
Young Man: See that caved in wall? I shouted when I got lost. The wall just crumbled with the echo and nearly buried me under it. We better not risk that again. Trust my father to come up with the most complicated booby-traps.
Bruce: Your father? Does that mean you're Icarus?
…
Janick: Ok, here we are at our meeting point. There's the entrance to the maze.
Dave: But where are the others?
Adrian: They should be out by now. I sense trouble.
Dave: Do you think we should have a look in there?
Janick: Oh, no. What if we get lost?
Dave: Well, I trust H to find his way back out.
Adrian: I'm not so sure. This labyrinth is infamous for being highly dangerous and complex. Let's wait some more time before we do anything rash. Maybe they'll soon be coming out.
...
Steve: If I find Bruce I'll give him what for. How dare he threaten our tour with his insane solo-flights?
Daedalus: You know, it is not that easy to find somebody in here. He could be anywhere by now. He should have stayed with us. Tell you what, first we get back to the entrance, we need new torches. It's too dangerous in here without any light.
Steve: Ok, let's get back. I hope, Bruce at least has the sense to stay put where he is right now, until we find him.
Nicko: I can see the entrance already. Hey, there's the three amigos waiting outside in the sun. Hullo!
Dave: There's Nicko.
Daedalus: So, did you bring my letter to Radathis? What did he tell you?
Janick: Your friend fears that Icarus wanted to check out the labyrinth by night. We think he might be trapped in there.
Daedalus: Oh, no. He should have known better than to venture in there. I told him it was dangerous.
Adrian: Where's Bruce?
Steve: Guess!
Adrian: Don't tell me he got lost as well.
Steve: Bingo!
Adrian: Damn. Ok, so we are looking for Icarus and Bruce now. Should we go in again?
Daedalus: As I said, the maze is enormous, they can be anywhere. They could have fallen into traps …
Nicko: Let's think positive. Bruce will be cautious, I'm sure. We'll find him.
Steve: Daedalus, you lead the way, as you know the maze best. Let's get back to the place where we last saw Bruce. Each of us will take a torch, but let's not light them up all at once. That way, they will last longer.
Dave: Good idea. I'm sure we'll find Bruce and the kid.
…
Icarus: Of course I was drawing some arrows on the walls, to find my way back, but after some time, the torch went out, and I was in the dark. I didn't dare to move, for fear of falling into a pit.
Bruce: Yeah, that was very sensible. Apparently there are many traps in here. Look, I'm sure your father and my friends are already looking for us. Maybe we'll see their torches soon. We better stay put here. That's the best we can do right now.
Icarus: I am very thirsty. I brought some water, but I used it up some time ago.
Bruce: I'm sorry, I didn't bring any water. I have a chewing gum, maybe you want that one?
Icarus: What is that?
Bruce: Ehm, some thingie, don't swallow it, just chew on it, ok? It'll help your saliva.
Icarus: It's good. Thanks.
…
Janick: How on earth do you find your way around in here? Amazing.
Dave: I was lost after the first bend.
Daedalus: This labyrinth is like my baby, I know it by heart. Don't worry. I'll get you out, if you stay with me.
Steve: Oh believe me, we will all stay together. The only one who wouldn't have heeded your advice, is the one we have already lost.
Daedalus: Your friend reminds me of my son. Always eager to explore, never listening to advice. That's Icarus.
Steve: Yeah, that's Bruce too.
Adrian: Wait! See here: an arrow.
Daedalus: Interesting. That's none of my markings. Maybe that's a sign from your friend.
Steve: Bruce didn't have chalk with him. No, I bet that's your son's drawing.
Daedalus: Now that makes me proud of him. At least he had the common sense to secure his way back.
Adrian: Problem is … he didn't get back.
Daedalus: You're right. I fear the worst.
Steve: Let's follow the arrows, maybe they lead us somewhere.
Nicko: I can see shadows dancing on the wall. Behind those rocks. That must be a torch.
Janick: You're right, let's have a look.
Bruce: See, what did I tell you: there they are. Iron Maiden reunited again. I knew I could trust you. … How come the amigos are with you?
Steve: Bruce! How come you got lost again?
Bruce: I asked first. Anyway, see who I found here.
Daedalus: Icarus! I told you not to come in here.
Icarus: I'm sorry, father.
Bruce: We better get him out quickly. He's dehydrated.
Daedalus: Yes, of course. I will lead us out. Can you walk, Icarus?
Bruce: We better take turns carrying him on our backs. What do you think, boys?
Nicko: Yeah, sure. He looks pretty weak. Come on boy, I'll carry you.
…
Daedalus: … he is asleep now. Thank you so much for your help. I appreciate. Do you want some wine?
Nicko: Yeah, sure.
Dave: No, Nicko, better not.
Nicko: Fuck my old boots! And why not?
Dave: Just a friendly advice. Trust me. I'll tell you later.
Steve: Dave is right. We should be going. Our mission is accomplished, and we have a long way to travel. Farewell, Daedalus.
Bruce: Yeah, and thank you so much for this a-maze-ing tour. It was really something. Opened up my eyes about many things …
Steve: Bruce, come on. Let's go.
Daedalus: Farewell, my friends.
…
Adrian: Finally, back in the TM again. I'm always happy when I can see these red buttons blinking up.
Dave: Yes, me too.
Steve: Now this mission is over, I want us all to concentrate on the next gig, ok? And I will have a talk with that BBC-Manager, to persuade him to make a short break in the series. We really can't do this every week. Not when we're touring the Ozzfest.
Bruce: … and I so wanted to ask him about the Linear A script …