Part 9: The Feathered Serpent

Bruce: Romeo and Olivia! HeheheHEH! I still can’t believe it.
Steve: This joke is getting pretty old already, could you please be serious again?
Bruce: Oops, bad-mood-day. Ok, I shut up.
Dave: It’s nice here. Where are we this time?
Nicko: Looks like Club Med holidays to me. Sandy beach and palmtrees. Mmm, this is gonna be easy.
Adrian: It looks too much like Jurassic Park to me to be considered easy.
Bruce: Nah, we had that already, they won't send us twice to the same time.
Adrian: Maybe they insist on that film-footage with me fighting the dinosaurs.
Janick: Anyway, it doesn’t look like there’s a jeweller’s shop around here.
Steve: Why would we need a jeweller?
Janick: I just read the mission: “Bring back a golden necklace.”
Dave: Maybe we have to look for a goldmine.
Steve: Have you ever found a necklace in a goldmine?
Bruce: Well, maybe we have to dig for gold and then fashion the necklace ourselves?
Nicko: Hmm, maybe, but that would be quite unlike the missions before.
Steve: Yeah, Nick's right. ... We better leave the beach and go inland. Let's see if we can find some civilization.
Adrian: I hope they’re friendly.
Dave: I still don’t know where we are.
Bruce: I have an idea. Give me that pill. I’ll swallow it and you tell me what language I speak. That way we know which country we're in. Ingenious, huh?
Janick: Yep, good idea, let’s try it.
Bruce: Ok, here we go. Doctor, doctor, down goes the pill. *gulp* So, what am I saying?
Adrian: Oh, fuck, what language is THAT?
Steve: No clue. It sounds like … ehm … I don’t know.
Bruce: Hmm, I would think it sounds like an Indian language, don’t you think?
Dave: What does he say?
Janick: No idea.
Bruce: Well, maybe you better swallow a pill as well, then you'll understand me.
Adrian: Huh? What does he want?
Nicko: Kin strange. He sounds like a backward message. Maybe we could tape it and put it on our next CD. I'm sure the fans would love it.
Bruce: Hello? I'm still here. Is anybody listing to what I'm saying?
Steve: I find the sounds he's making pretty annoying.
Bruce: I find your remarks pretty annoying too, curlylocks.
Dave: Maybe it's Basque? I once heard that Basque is a very strange language.
Bruce: Basque my ass. I feel a rant coming on. Swallow that pill, you dumbheads!
Adrian: He sounds like he's ranting. What a tiring language.
Steve: What do you think, are these hand-gestures part of the language?
Bruce: Arrrgh! … Pill? … Eat? … Got it?
Steve: We better take a pill as well and see what he wants.
Bruce: At last. Boy, are you guys slow on the uptake. What I was trying to say was: this sounds like some kind of Indian dialect.
Nicko: So we're dealing with Indians. I’m ready for them. Run to the hills. Yay.
Dave: I never thought the Indians would live on the beach. More like in the prairie.
Bruce: I think I know where we are …
Adrian: And where?
Bruce: Well …
Steve: Oh, fuck!
Janick: What is it?
Steve: This forest is full of people. Can’t you see their spears? I think they surrounded us.
Dave: Anybody got a plan?
Nicko: So, where did you say we are, Bruce?
Bruce: I’m not sure, but we might have arrived somewhere in Mexico perhaps, Columbus-time, like.
Adrian: Were the local Indians friendly, you reckon?
Steve: Probably not. After all, BBC sent us here ...
Bruce: Actually, they were. In the beginning that is. After so many got slaughtered by the Europeans, they stopped being overly friendly.
Dave: Let’s hope we arrived in a still friendly period.
Nicko: Yes, because there are way too many for us to handle.
Steve: They’re not coming nearer, they’re just watching us. This makes me nervous.
Bruce: Well, we have an asset that Columbus didn’t have.
Adrian: And what is that?
Bruce: We speak their language.
Janick: You’re right. They must think we look kinda strange though.
Bruce: The looks! Of course. Jan, you just saved us!
Janick: I did? How?
Bruce: With your good looks, hehe.
Steve: Stop this gay talk, Bruce.
Bruce: Ehm, no, but seriously. The Indians were not attacking Columbus and co, because they had tall, fair-haired men among them.
Adrian: I don’t get it.
Bruce: According to their mythology, the gods are tall and fair-haired. Got it now?
Adrian: Hm-hm. Ok, so you’re saying: Jan is a God to them.
Bruce: Yes!
Janick: You’re joking!
Steve: No, actually I read something like that as well. Go talk to them, Jan. They would probably offer a golden necklace to their God.
Janick: What if you’re wrong?
Nicko: Two guitarists are enough anyway.
Janick: WHAT!?
Nicko: No, just kidding. If they make trouble, we'll come and get you, of course.
Janick: Well, you better. Ok, I’ll go a step nearer.
Bruce: Take it easy though. Don’t frighten them.
Janick: ME frightening THEM? Are you kidding?
Dave: What do we do if they attack?
Steve: Jan, if they attack, you run, we get back to the TM and I’ll buy BBC a golden necklace from Harrod’s, ok? No heroics anymore.
Janick: Ok. Wish me luck.
...
Steve: Let’s keep an eye on the guys. If one moves, we call for Jan.
Bruce: They look startled. I have a good feeling about it. I wouldn’t worry.
Adrian: Look! One of them steps forward.
Steve: He has put away his spear, though. Let’s wait some more.
Dave: Do you see what I'm seeing?
Adrian: I don’t believe it!
Bruce: Bingo! He’s kneeling down before his god.
Nicko: I have to film this!
Adrian: Janick is their god. Now I have seen it all.
Steve: Crazy, they are all kneeling down now.
Dave: Should we approach as well?
Bruce: Jan is talking to them. Let’s wait a bit until he calls for us.
Janick: Come over guys, they invited us to a feast.
Dave: Great. I’m hungry.
Adrian: I just hope they are not cannibals.
Dave: Oops. You think so?
Bruce: Eh, hehe, no. I doubt that.
Janick: Chief, these are my friends. Guys, this is chief Montezuma.
Bruce: This is Montezuma. Wow!
Steve: He was friendly, right?
Bruce: Yep. … At least I think so.
Nicko: Wow, do you see that pyramid over there? I have to film this.
Dave: I thought there were only pyramids in Egypt?
Bruce: Oh, Davey. … Look at that food! A real feast. Let’s tuck in.
Montezuma: White God, little brother of the Feathered Serpent, in your honour we will perform the Resurrection Ritual tonight.
Janick: I’m honoured. Thank you.
Bruce: Eh, resurrec … what’s this all about now?
Adrian: What do you mean?
Montezuma: Let me adorn you with gold.
Dave: Great, they make it easy for us.
Bruce: Not so quick. This isn’t good.
Steve: Why not? We have the necklace. Now we watch that ritual, then we say good-bye and that’s it.
Montezuma: Please, White God, follow me to the Sanctuary on top of Quetzalcoatl's temple.
Janick: See you later, guys.
Bruce: No, Jan, wait! Oh, fuck.
Adrian: Is there a problem?
Bruce: I’m not sure. What do you think a resurrection ritual is all about?
Steve: Well, someone gets resurrected from the dead.
Bruce: Well, then this someone has to be dead first, right?
Steve: I would think so.
Bruce: What if that someone should be their God? What if they want to kill Jan in order to resurrect him?
Adrian: Damn!
Steve: Fuck! It was TOO easy. Let’s go get him.
Nicko: There they are, halfway up the stairs. Fuck, they're climbing fast.
Steve: Bruce! D'you think you can run after them quick enough?
Bruce: Sure, it’s not that many stairs, only like a hundred or two. I can do it.
Steve: Well, then do it, you have to warn Jan.
Bruce: Ok, I’m off. You hold off the Aztecs.
Dave: Ass-stakes?
Adrian: The other guys. Ok, let’s tell them the ritual is postponed till tomorrow.
Nicko: I hope they swallow that.
...
Steve: Bruce has almost reached them. Now Jan is turning around. I hope Monty won't make trouble.
Dave: No, see, Monty is moving on, and Bruce and Jan are talking.
Nicko: Ok, H and I have convinced the people that the ritual will only take place tomorrow. They all retired to their huts now.
Steve: Great, at least the path to the TM is free for us.
Adrian: What the fuck is happening up there?
Dave: Monty is coming back with two guardians. This doesn’t look good.
Steve: Ok, they start to run. Let’s get ready to help them.
Bruce: Come on, run back to the TM. Run, guys!
Montezuma: Stop them! The ritual has not yet been performed!
Adrian: Let’s get out of here, before the village wakes up again.
...
Nicko: Are we all in? Jan, d'you have the necklace?
Steve: That’s the least of our worries, push those damn buttons!
Janick: Yeah, I still have the necklace. That was a scary experience. Priests with blood-soaked hair and crazy looks. Pewh! Thanks for saving me, guys.
Dave: Don’t mention it. Three guitarists are still more fun.
Adrian: I must say, Bruce, it was great how you were running up those stairs.
Steve: Yeah, that’s good training for the next tour.
Bruce: Hehe, yeah. It was cool. Argh, but now I have a cramp in my side. I’m getting too old for this. ... NOT! Hehe.